Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Feel Like His Partners Possession?

During the beginning of a relationship, a man can look forward to spending time with his partner. So, when he is not with her, he can spend a fair amount of time thinking about her and the moments that they have shared and will share in the future.

This will be a time when he experiences positive feelings and thoughts. Then, when he is actually with her, he is likely to effortlessly experience more positive thoughts and feelings.

A Gradual Shift

As time passes, and they get to know each other better, he could find that he is able to focus more easily on other things. This is not to say that he won’t think about her or experience positive thoughts and feelings but it is unlikely to be like it was before.

When he is with her, he is also likely to feel different than he did in the beginning; this can be put down to the fact that being with her will be normal. Again, this is not to say that he won’t experience positive thoughts and feelings; it is just unlikely to be how it was before.

A Big Shift

Now, although there can just be this difference as time goes by and they become closer, perhaps in addition to their being moments when there is tension, the man can also find that he starts to feel trapped. Due to this, it can be harder for him to enjoy spending time around her.

Moreover, he can have less of a need to spend time around her; preferring to see her less often. At this point, he could come to the conclusion that it’s because she is too interested and even needy.

The Issue

What is going on externally will then be why he feels the way he does and that will be all there is to it. Naturally, as this is the case, he will do his best to limit the amount of time that he spends around his partner.

Along with feeling trapped, he could also feel as though he is her possession. Therefore, not spending as much time around her and keeping his distance will be a way for him to not only feel free but also feel like he owns himself.

A Release

What he could also end up doing, to change how he feels, is to end up talking to at least one other woman. Not a female friend, though, a woman who he is sexually attracted to and who he will perhaps end up flirting with.

It may go even further than this as he could end up having a sexual encounter or an affair. By taking this route, he is likely to feel more at ease and in control of himself.

The Other Side

Most likely, his partner will realise that he has changed and she could end up taking it personally. She could believe he has lost interest in her and she could do what she can to reignite his interest.

If she does take this approach, it is likely to have the opposite effect and push him away even further. After a while, she could believe that she is being too needy and blame herself for what is going on.

Reaching Out

He may have gone silent on her or she might rarely hear back from him. If he doesn’t go silent, he could end up blaming her for what is going on and say that he needs his space.

This coming together and then coming apart could take place for a while or the relationship could simply come to an end. If it does come to an end, he is likely to feel better for a while but he could soon be filled with regret and wonder what was going on.

Black And white

One way of looking at this would be to say that he felt the way that he did due to how his partner was behaving, another way of looking at it would be to say that she simply unlocked how he already felt at a deeper level. These were then feelings that were held deep inside his unconscious mind and were brought into his conscious awareness.

But, as he was not aware of what was going on, it was to be expected that he would have held his partner accountable. It could seem strange as to why he would have feelings that relate to feeling trapped and having no control over himself.

Looking Deeper

However, if he was to reflect on what his early years were like, he may soon come to see why he has these feelings. Yet, if he is unable to remember much about this stage of his life, it is likely to show that his brain has blocked out what took place in order to protect him.

Thanks to this, he won’t have access to the cause (the memories) but he will have access to the effects (the feelings). During this stage of his life, he may have been brought up by a mother who was unable to see him as a separate being, who had his own needs and feelings; instead, she may have seen him as her possession.

A Traumatic Time

Consequently, he would have been used to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs and been deprived of the love, care and support that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. He wouldn’t have been able to freely express himself and gradually break away.

If he tried to do this, he may have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned. To handle the pain of being unable to express himself, his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt and he would have disconnected from himself.

The Only Option

This would have allowed him to tolerate a very painful stage of his life. As he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to change his mother’s behaviour or to find another mother.

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but his body and brain will be carrying the pain that he had to repress. This pain will also cause him to be developmentally stunted.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk