If a man was to see that he is overly focused on his mother and doesn’t have much of a life himself, there are a number of things that could take place. He could feel deeply frustrated and helpless and believe that his life will always be this way.
Alternatively, he could feel deeply frustrated but experience a strong need to find out what is going on and change his life. Naturally, the former won’t allow him to change his life while the latter will.
A number of factors
As to why a man would respond in the first way, it could show that he is in a very bad way and doesn’t have a sense, even a small sense, of his own power. Thanks to this, he is not going to be able to see a way forward.
When it comes to why a man would respond in the second way, it could show that he does have a sense of his own power, if only a small sense. Thanks to this, he is not completely immobilised by what is going on and can see a way forward.
The Second Experience
This doesn’t mean that the man in this position will have a clear path forward; no, it means that he will, sooner or later, be able to make progress. The active part of his being won’t have been fully snuffed out and this drive will allow him to take action.
He won’t need to know exactly where he needs to look or what he needs to do as his need to change his life and desire to do what it takes will be what matters. And, as he will live in an era where just about anything can be found out by searching online, it won’t take long for him to gain a sense of clarity.
Putting the Pieces Together
If he was to look online for answers and he was to do this for a number of weeks if not months, he might soon come to the conclusion that he is enmeshed with his mother. He might also end up seeing himself as a mother-enmeshed man.
This could be something that takes place after he has read a lot of articles and watched a lot of videos. Reading the comments under the videos that he has watched might have helped, too.
He could learn that the reason he is this way is because his early years were not very nurturing. Instead of being able to receive what he needed, then, he missed out on what he needed.
Moreover, his mother saw him as more like a parental figure than her son and looked towards him to be there for her and his father’s support was not there either. How he is behaving as an adult is then a continuation of how it was for him as a boy.
When it comes to changing his behaviour and no longer behaving in a way that is not serving him, he might come to see that there is the mental work that he needs to do and the emotional work. Questioning what he believes is then one part and working through pain is another.
To help with his understanding, he might invest in a book and/or reach out for external support. Either way, he will be ready to go within and do what he needs to do to gradually change his life.
Conversely, he could have a good understanding of why he is this way and what he needs to do but he could still feel the need to know more and put the inner work to one side. Thus, instead of using what he has learnt to make progress, his search will continue.
Deep down, he can believe that if he finds the right bit or bits of information, this area of his life will just change. What this is likely to show is that he is very cerebral and he sees the mental realm as being above everything else.
Around In Circles
The days, weeks, months and even years could pass and he could still be looking for more information. Throughout this stage, he might have put his hands in the water, so to speak, when it comes to going within and making internal changes, but that could be about as far as he has gone.
However, each time he comes across new information and perhaps new theories, his mood could change and he can believe that he is close to a breakthrough. This could go on for a very long time.
What’s going on?
As a result of what is going on, he will have all this information but he won’t be much better off than he was before. What this approach will allow him to do is to avoid the pain that is inside him.
By being in his mind and avoiding how he feels in his body, he will be able to feel as though he is in control and not be overwhelmed. What may have also played a part in why he is so heady is that this may have been how he adapted to and survived the trauma that he experienced very early on.
Further, by constantly looking for more answers, he can be unconsciously engaging in a struggle for his mother’s love. As a boy, he would have been deprived of the love that he needed but the need for her love would have been repressed.
From outside of his conscious awareness, he will still be trying to receive this love. Behind his need to find the right answers, can be his search for this love; the answers will then, symbolically, represent what he believes will liberate him – his mother’s love.
Staying On Track
If he can relate to this, there is no need for him to lay into himself; he can simply keep in mind what is going on and what he can do to actually change his life. This is a process that will take courage, patience, and persistence.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.