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Even though a man has his own needs and feelings and life to lead, he can act as if he is merely an extension of his mother. Due to this, he is going to neglect himself and his life won’t be very fulfilling.
However, this can just be what is normal, which means that he might not be aware of what is going on. If he is not aware of what is going on, he will suffer but he won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. The Next Stage Assuming that he is single and he starts a relationship with a woman, he can end up coming to see that he is out of balance. For example, the woman could point out that he does a lot for his mother and is seldom there for himself or her. At first, though, he might experience a fair amount of resistance. But, by listening to what she has said and reflecting on his own life, he can see that what she is saying is accurate. A Positive Impact Now that he is able to see clearly, he can look into what he can do to change his life. This can involve him watching videos, reading articles and books and having therapy, for instance. As the weeks and months pass, he can spend less time doing things for his mother and more time being there for himself and his partner. Still, it could take a number of years before he is able to fully emotionally separate from his mother. It’s Not Black and White When it comes to how long it will take, it will depend on a number of different factors. So, how motivated he is, at what stage of his developmental years he was deprived by his mother and what his father was like will all play a part. As, if he is not overly motivated to change what is going on, but was deprived very early on and his father was around but also greatly undermined him, he is going to have weak foundations. Therefore, it won’t just be a case of changing what is taking place in his mind; he will need to completely rebuild himself. External Support Anyway, having the support of his partner during this time can make it easier for him to move forward. If she puts a lot of pressure on him and expects him to change overnight, this is not going to help him. There is also the chance that she is not willing to wait until he is able to live his own life. This could be because she wants to have children soon, for instance, and doesn’t want to risk being with a man who might not be ready for a very long time. One Scenario It could be said that for a man in this position, the ideal will be for him to become aware of what is going on and to do what he needs to do to gradually liberate himself. He will then be taking responsibility for his own healing and not expecting anyone else to do the work for him. As a result of this, he won’t be looking for his partner to do the work for him and to behave like a parental figure. If he did, he would be expecting too much from her and this is likely to cause her to experience resentment. Another Scenario Alternatively, he could become aware of what is going but he might not fully commit to his own liberation. He can then look into what he can do and take action but he might not be very consistent. Deep down, he can hope that his partner will look into what he can do to change his life and take action for him. Instead of seeing her as a woman he is in a relationship with, he will see her as a parental figure. Expecting Too Much This will show that he is projecting his mother and perhaps his father onto her and looking towards her to provide him with what his parents were unable to provide him. The outcome of this is that she can experience frustration and anger, and feel deeply resentful. If she goes along with this and doesn’t assert her boundaries or walk away, it can show that she was made to feel responsible for one or both of her parents when she was growing up. She will then have unconsciously recreated her childhood. It’s Up To Him Ultimately, as he is now an adult, it is up to him to take responsibility for and change his life. His partner can support him but she can’t do the work for him and expecting her to do so will have a negative effect on or end their relationship. It will be essential for him to look into what he can do to change his life, to take action and to keep going. The truth is that he has what it takes to change his life and he deserves to live a fulfilling life. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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