Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Wounded Inner Child Cause Him To Be Attracted To The Wrong Women?
What a man could find, if he was able to take a step back and reflect on his life, is that he has the tendency to end up with women who are unhealthy. There is the chance that he is currently with a woman who is like this.
If he isn’t, it might be easier for him to realise what it was about these women that was unhealthy. Then again, he might not be able to clearly describe what wasn’t right about these women but he could end up feeling drained just thinking about them.
A Closer Look
Now, if he is able to describe what these women were like, he could say that they were critical, controlling, unempathetic, lacked boundaries and were self-centred. Therefore, instead of these women having a positive effect on him, they would have undermined him.
Due to the experiences that he has had, he could believe that all women are the same and that it is best for him to avoid them altogether. Along with this, he could see himself as a powerless victim.
Nonetheless, if this is something that has taken place on more than one occasion, it will be clear that he is the person who has been involved in each relationship. These women will have acted the same but it will have still been a different woman each time.
As a result of this, it will be essential for him to see that he is the common denominator. This is not about him shaming or blaming himself; it is about him realising that there is a part of him that is playing a part in why he ends up being drawn to women like this.
Is There A Match?
One thing that he can do is to reflect on what his mother is like and was like during his early years. If he is emotionally entangled with his mother and does what he can to please her, it might be hard for him to see her objectively.
He could say that there is nothing wrong with his mother and that she has always treated him well. This could be the case; then again, there is a strong chance that this is a story that he tells himself to avoid facing reality.
Being Brutally Honest
If he is able to reflect, he may see that how he has been treated by women over the years is very similar to how he was treated by his mother very early on. Also, the thoughts and feelings that he has experienced in their company could match up with how he often felt in his mothers company.
What this will illustrate is that although this stage of his life is over, he is still having the same experience. Now that he is an adult, if his mother has settled down, it will be other women who have taken over this role.
What’s going on?
After becoming aware of the connection, a man could wonder how his past could be playing out in his present. This stage of his life will be over, so there will appear to be no reason for this to take place.
Even so, there will be a part of him that feels comfortable with being treated badly by women. As strange as this may sound, what he experienced as a child will have been associated with what is familiar and what is familiar will be classed as what is safe to part of him.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that the child that he once was now lives inside him and this child feels comfortable with being treated in this way. Not only this, as his mother most likely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs and stopped him from receiving what he needed to be able to grow and develop, hence why he is still enmeshed to her, this part of him will be in a very bad way.
This part of him will be desperate for the love, affection, attention and attunement that it missed out on all those years ago. Consequently, this part will make it hard for his adult self to be discerning when it comes to whether or not a woman is right for him.
Anyone Will Do
At an emotional level, he will be starving and taking all these elements into account, it is inevitable that he will end up with the wrong woman. His wounded inner child will hijack his ability to choose the right woman.
This part of him will also want to be with a woman who is a match of his mother and to receive what it was unable to receive all those years ago. But, as these women will be so similar, it won’t be possible for this to take place.
Furthermore, as this stage of his life is over, these needs will need to be faced and grieved as it won’t be possible for another adult to meet them. His adult self will have the power and this part of him will need to be in the driver’s seat, not his wounded inner child.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.