Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Woman Help A Mother-Enmeshed Man To Break Away From His Mother?

What might stand out, if a woman has been with a man for a little while, is that he is overly focused on his mother. She can find it strange that he is so caught up with her and unable to live his own life.

However, she can believe that she has what it takes to gradually pull him out of his mother’s world. Naturally, if she can do this, it will allow him to focus on his own life and be there for her.

A Challenge

She might not have a clear idea about how long this will take her but she might believe that it won’t take her too long. And, as she is willing to do this, it is likely to show that she loves him or at the very least, is very fond of him.

She is then not going to be wasting her time and energy; she will be investing her time and energy into something that will pay off over time. So, if she hasn’t already, she might talk to him about what is going on for her and what she believes is going on for him.

One outcome

He might accept what she has said and say that he wants to change as he doesn’t want to lose her, for instance. After this, he could look into what he can do to gradually change his life and do what he needs to do.

Fortunately, he will be with a woman who is supportive and encouraging, which will make it easier for him to draw the line with his mother and no longer turn his back on himself. Still, this could be a very slow process, with it taking a number of months if not years until he is ready to do this.

Up and down

Moreover, there can be times when he takes a step back and is in denial about what is going on. This can then lead to conflict in their relationship and the woman might question if she has made the right decision to stand by him.

Over time, though, provided that he works on himself, this is likely to be something that takes place less often. There can then come a point when she is able to see that she made the right decision.

Another outcome

Conversely, after talking to him about what is going on, he might deny what she says and make out that she is the problem. Or, he could accept what she says but not take the steps to do anything about it.

If the latter takes place, she could end up looking into what he can do to change his life. Consequently, she will be behaving more like his parent than his partner and this is likely to lead to resentment as time passes.

Out of Balance

If he was playing his part, it would be different but as she will be doing for him what he should be doing for himself, she will have gone further than this. She will then be in a position where he is not there for her and she is being deprived and now she will be doing even more for him.

Therefore, she is likely to feel even more exhausted as time passes, and, she could start to wonder if she has made the right decision. Some of her friends and perhaps family could also wonder why she is behaving in this way.

Back In Balance

What she needs to keep in mind is that she is his partner, not his parent. There is then what she can do for him and what he needs to do for himself.

As he is not in his power and is not connected to his inner fire, she will have taken the reins. Now, if he was playing his part it would be different but, as he isn’t, she will be doing too much for him.

Another Element

Additionally, as she is playing the role of a parent, he can end up believing that she is trying to control him and end up resenting her in the process. Thus, instead of being thanked for what she is doing, she can be accused of doing something that she isn’t doing.

If this does take place, she could end up feeling angry and deeply hurt. She will have given so much and yet, she will be treated as though she is trying to undermine him, not help him.

A Different Approach

At this point, she might come to see that it is in her best interest to cut her ties with him or else she will end up in a very bad way. If she is already in a very bad way, she will run herself even further into the ground.

What might soon enter her mind is that she needs to look into why she felt that it was her responsibility to save him and why she didn’t cut her ties with him before. If she were to explore her early years, she may find that this was a stage of her life when she was made to feel responsible for her mother and/or father and was deprived and deeply wounded.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk