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If a woman is with a man who is overly focused on his mother and is not available, and she has been in this position before, she could be well and truly fed up. But, as this won’t be the first time that she has been in this position, it is to be expected.
There will be the type of man that she wants to be with and the experiences that she wants to experience, and, then, there will be the type of man that she ends up with and the experiences that she has. To use an analogy; it will be similar to her going to a restaurant and ordering pasta and yet she ends up with ice cream. Other Areas But, while this area of her life will be anything but fulfilling, just about every other area of her life could be going in the right direction. So, she could have a number of close friends who greatly value and appreciate her. When it comes to what she does for a living, she could do something that is deeply enriching. This will then be an area of her life that has a positive effect on her wellbeing and it may provide her with far more money than she needs to merely pay her bills. A Strange Scenario If this is the case, it can be hard for her to comprehend how these areas of her life could be going so well but this other area of her life would be going so badly. She could come to the conclusion that she has control over these areas of her but doesn’t have much control when it comes to the type of man that she ends up with. What she is likely to find, if she does have this outlook, is that there is no shortage of support when it comes to what she believes. Her friends and perhaps some of her family members could say that she is unlucky when it comes to this area of her life. The Evidence They could say that she is a lovely person and has so much going for her, for instance, that there is no reason why she should be with a man like this or have been with men who were like this. From this, it will be clear that they are aware of what she brings to the table, so to speak, and are very supportive. Some of her friends could be in a loving relationship and some of them could be single. The friends that are in loving relationships could believe that they are lucky and those that are not could believe that they are unlucky. It’s All Random However, even though it may seem as though she is simply unlucky and needs to wait until her luck changes, what if there is more to it? What if this is a conclusion that has very little basis in reality? What if the reason this area of her life is this way is because of what is taking place inside her? If this is the truth, it would mean that she is not simply unlucky; it is that part of her is causing her to experience life in this way. What’s going on? At this point, she could say that this is not true as she doesn’t want to be with a man who is like this. Nonetheless, what she will need to keep in mind is that she doesn’t begin and end with her conscious mind. Her conscious sense of herself and all that this entails, such as her self-image and the thoughts and feelings that she experiences, is then just one part of her. Along with this part of her is her unconscious mind. A Key Area This part of her will contain, among other things, pain, unmet developmental needs and parts of her that have been split off. What is held in this part of her will have a big impact on how she experiences life. Moreover, it will have an impact on what takes place in her conscious mind. Thus, she can be totally unaware that this part of her exists let alone what is held in this part but it will still have a big impact on her. The Connection With this in mind, what has been removed from her conscious mind and is held inside her unconscious will play a big part in why she has continually ended up with men who are unavailable. By reconnecting to what is held inside this part of her, she is likely to gradually realise why this area of her life is the way that it is. Most if not all of what is held inside this part of her is likely to relate to what she experienced during her formative years. This is likely to have been a time when she was deprived of the love that she needed to grow and develop in the right way. An Emotional Desert Her mother and/or father might have been emotionally unavailable and even abusive. Being ignored, rejected, abandoned and perhaps verbally put down and physically harmed would have been the norm. To handle what was going on, her brain would have automatically repressed how she felt, her developmental needs and parts of herself. Her need to be loved wouldn’t have disappeared, though. A Replay Many, many years will have passed since this stage of her life but her repressed and unmet development need to be loved will be defining her life. This need will pull her towards men who also can’t love in the hope that she can finally receive the love that she missed out on. What this shows is that this part of her is unable to see that these men are not her parent or that this stage of her life is over. So, in the same way, that her early struggle to be loved by her parent or parents who were unavailable was futile, her adult struggle to be loved by men who are also unavailable is also futile. Awareness If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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