In order for an issue to be resolved, it needs to be clear that there is an issue. Naturally, if this is not the case, it won’t be possible for anything to be done and the issue is likely to get even worse.
With this in mind, if man’s mother is the centre of his world and he does what he can to please her and, thereby, neglects himself, he will need to do something different. The trouble is that this is likely to just be what is normal.
As a result of this, he won’t realise that he out of balance and needs to pay more attention to his own life. Still, this is not to say that the warning signs won’t be there as his life could be full of them.
As the signs will be all around him, it could seem strange as to why he is unable to see what is going on. But, his ego-mind won’t allow him to see these signs and so his life will probably need to get worse before it gets better.
The Foundations Were Laid
Quite simply, he would have been brought up to focus on his mother needs and to ignore his own. His mother would have used him to fulfil some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.
To survive, he had to bring his awareness out of his body and onto his mother; if he had expressed himself, he would have been punished, disproved of and/or abandoned. From very early on, then, he would have become estranged from himself and learned to feel comfortable fulfilling his mother’s needs.
A Big Risk
Expressing himself as a child would have been seen as a threat to his survival, and, deep down, at an unconscious level, it will still be seen in the same way. This is why his mind will do what it can to stop him from seeing what is going on.
Ultimately, what he fears will have already happened and he will have survived but, due to the trauma that he is carrying, it will seem as though this is not so. Consequently, his greatest need will be to keep his early trauma at bay and pleasing his mother will be unconsciously seen as the best way for him to do this.
His life is likely to be very watered down and he could often feel exhausted, but he won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. If he does have a job and he is trying to perform at his best whilst also being focused on his mother, this is to be expected.
He will be spread very thinly and he will seldom, if ever, take the time to look after his own wellbeing, causing him to essentially run on empty. He will be acting as though he is an extension of his mother but he will be a separate being, who has his own needs, and this is why behaving in this way is not sustainable.
What may allow him to “wake up” is if he was to meet a woman to who he is attracted and was to start a relationship. As she will be on the outside, she is likely to see that he does too much for his mother and neglects himself.
Nonetheless, if she was to bring this up, he could end up getting defensive and dismiss what has been said. She will want to assist him but his need to avoid reality, to keep his pain at bay, will be very strong.
A Dent Has Been Made
After a while, he might be able to accept that what his partner has to say is true and see that she doesn’t have anything against him or his mother. A seed will have been planted and he might gradually be able to change his life.
Alternatively, he could end up breaking up with his partner, demonising her in the process, and go back to how he was before. This doesn’t mean that this will be something that he will consciously choose to do, as it could be something that takes place without him even thinking about it.
The Point of No Return
But, regardless of whether this relationship comes to an end or not or even if he ends up in one, there is likely to come a time when he can’t carry on living in the same way. By being focused on his mother for his whole life and neglecting himself, he will be burnt out.
He won’t have listened to himself, so his body will have drawn the line and said enough is enough. It could be as if the energy that he did have has been squeezed out of him and just about everything could be a struggle.
This may mean that he finds it hard to get out of bed each day and feels deeply depressed and lifeless. His appetite may have disappeared, he could feel helpless and he might not want to see anyone.
He won’t have been able to stand up to his mother and to say no but now he won’t be able to be there for her. His nervous system will have been maxed out for a very long time and it won’t be able to take any more stress.
Now Is the Time
Part of him could still try to resist what is going on but his being won’t have the energy to be affected by it. At this point, he could end up reaching out to his doctor and this can be a time when he will find out why he has ended up this way.
Providing he isn’t just put up medication and patched up, so that he can go back to how he was before, what he is going through will be a blessing in disguise. The ideal will be for him to be referred to a therapist or someone similar – someone who will encourage him to look deeper and support him during this process.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.