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Now, although a man can’t leave his body and get into another person’s body, what he can do is mentally leave his body and focus on another person. When this takes place, he won’t have a strong connection with what is going on inside him but he will be aware of what is going on inside another.
If a man is in this position, he can be focused on his mother and what is going on for her. Instead of being rooted in his body and in tune with his needs and feelings, then, he will be caught up in her needs and feelings. Self-Neglect Consequently, some of his needs are likely to often be overlooked and others could seldom if ever be met. As for his feelings, he could be more or less totally out of touch with how he feels. Thanks to how estranged he is from himself, it is going to be normal for him to deprive himself of what he needs. But, due to what is going on, this is unlikely to be something that he is aware of. One-Sided As for his mother, she might be oblivious to the fact that her son is neglecting himself. The reason for this is that she could be so consumed by her own needs that it doesn’t occur to her that her son also has needs. If so, what this is likely to show is that she is unable to truly see him as a separate being. She will then be an adult, but she is likely to be developmentally stunted and because of this, she will unconsciously see her son as a parental figure. A Natural outcome By being this way, it will be as though she is entitled to her son’s attention as his primary purpose will be to look after her. And, if he doesn’t do something for her, she could soon criticise him. If he does try to express himself and make it clear that he is a separate individual with his own needs and feelings, he could soon have the need to go back to how he was before. He is then not going to be in a prison but he will be in a situation where he is unable to freely express himself. Coming Home At this point, what stands out is that he needs to bring his attention away from his mother and back to himself. If he doesn’t do this and starts to focus on his own needs, he will continue to be nothing more than an extension of his mother. His life will then continue to pass him by, with him neglecting himself in the process. Yet, even though this is the case, if he isn’t consciously aware of what is going on, he won’t be able to change his life. One Option As a result of this, something significant might need to happen before anything changes. If this was to happen, something ‘out there’ would have forced him to draw the line. But, while it can seem as if this will have just happened to him, there is likely to be far more to it. Most likely, a part of him didn’t want to behave in this way, a part that was outmuscled by a part of him that did, ended up manifesting a scenario where he had to stop. Stepping Back By being forced to wake up, he could gradually see how out of touch he has been with himself and how caught up he’s been with his mother. What could also stand out is that he doesn’t have a strong connection with his needs and feelings. Thus, while he won’t want to abandon himself any more, he won’t just be able to reconnect to himself. Furthermore, the thought of drawing the line with his mother and saying no to her could fill him with fear and anxiety and cause him to feel guilty and ashamed. A Complex Situation Considering this, it is going to take time for him to truly be there for himself and no longer act like his mother’s parent. However, what he could struggle to understand is why he is this way. If he was able to go back in time, though, he might soon understand that he is behaving in a way that is not serving him. This is likely to have been a time when his mother was unable to provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Role Reversal She would then have looked towards him to take care of a number of her adult and unmet developmental needs. A stage of his life, then, when he needed to receive the right nutrients was a stage when he was forced to give. This would have caused him to be deeply deprived on one hand and deeply traumatised on the other. To handle what was going on, a number of his needs and feelings would have been repressed and he would have gone into a shut down and disconnected state. The Priority If he didn’t focus on her and her needs, he might have been punished and/or rejected and abandoned. And, even when he did do what she wanted, there are still likely to have been times when this did take place. This was a stage of his life when he was powerless and totally dependent, so he had no other choice than to abandon himself and focus on her. Many, many years will have passed since then, but, as he is developmentally stunted and is carrying a lot of pain, he won’t realise that this stage is over and that his survival no longer depends on his mother. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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