Unless a man is working, he could be doing something for his mother. And, even if he is not doing something for her, he could spend a lot of time thinking about her and what he should be doing for her.
If so, as opposed to his mother being another person in his life, she will be the centre of his life. This will mean that he will be her son but he will act more like her parent.
Naturally, this is going to cause him to overlook a number of his needs and this will greatly deprive him. The trouble is that although he will be giving a lot and receiving very little, he might not be aware of this.
The average person could see that he is behaving in a way that is not serving him, but if this is just what is normal, it won’t be something that stands out. This is likely to show that he doesn’t have a very good connection with himself.
If he was firmly rooted in his body and aware of his needs and feelings, it would be clear that he is behaving in the wrong way. Furthermore, behaving in this way wouldn’t interest him.
Until he arrives at this point, though, he is likely to continue to turn his back on himself. Yet, as he is behaving in a way that is not serving him, it might not be long until he is no longer able to behave in this way.
The Other Part
What can play a part in why he behaves in this way is that his mother could expect him to be there for her. She is then not going to see him as a separate individual who has his own life to lead.
No, she can see him as nothing more than her possession and, therefore, his sole purpose will be to meet her needs. With this in mind, even if he were to assert himself and make it clear that he has his own life to lead, she could soon criticise him or do what she can to make him feel guilty.
What this is likely to illustrate is that although his mother is an adult, she is developmentally stunted and deeply wounded. This is why she sees him as a parental figure and is unable to accept that he is an individual.
Irrespective of whether she is aware of this, deep down, she will still be trying to receive what she missed out on during her formative years. She will have unconsciously made her son into the parent that she wanted but never had.
Anyway, assuming that he was to arrive at the point where he no longer feels comfortable behaving in this way, he could wonder what is going on. Part of him will see that he needs to change his behaviour.
But, another, stronger part of him could give him the need to continue to behave in this way. Due to this, it could seem as though his mother is in control of him and there is very little that he can do.
What could also enter his mind is that as he is so focused on his mother, there is no one in his life who is there for him. His mother, on the other hand, will be able to rely on him to be there for her.
He could see that for most of his life, he has ignored his own needs and covered up how he really feels. If he were to look deeper, he could find that he feels ashamed of his needs and feelings and believes that he will be rejected and abandoned if he reveals them.
Based on this, it will be a case of him being there for his mother and ignoring himself, or putting himself first and his life coming to an end. It can be as if he is in an invisible prison that he will never get out of.
As a result, it won’t matter that he is now a man and not a boy as he won’t feel like one. He won’t have a strong sense of himself and be connected to his power, which is why he will act like he is nothing more than an extension of his mother.
The Main Point
He won’t be able to fully accept his now but the truth is that he is on this planet to live his own life. This will involve him freely expressing who he is, not merely playing a role that allows him to please his mother.
Most likely, his mother turned him into the parent that she wanted but never had during his formative years. Instead of receiving what he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have been deeply wounded and forced to adapt to her needs.
A Natural outcome
By being treated in this way, he would have come to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and would have been forced to create a disconnected false self. Not adapting in this way would have caused him to suffer even more.
Many, many years will have passed since he was a powerless and dependent child but as a big part of him will be frozen in time, he won’t have been able to move on from this stage of his life. This is why he is still playing a role that he was forced to play from a very young age and doesn’t know, at an emotional level, that his mother is no longer in control of whether he lives or dies.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.