Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Need To Realise That His Life Is Important?6/9/2022
If a man’s whole life practically revolves around his mother, it is going to be clear that he has a number of beliefs that are not serving him. Most likely, these will be beliefs that are just outside of his conscious awareness.
As a result of this, he won’t realise that what he believes is having a big impact on his life. It can be as though the life he leads is just the way that life is and there is very little that he can do about it. One Step Too Far Then again, he might not even think about how unfulfilling his life is and both consciously and unconsciously do what he can to ignore what is taking place inside him. Thanks to this, the feedback inside him, that is there to let him know that he is living in the wrong way, will be overlooked. It can be normal for him to feel low and he could even suffer from depression. But, as he is not willing to face up to what is really going on, what is going on for him could be put down to something else, such as him being born this way or suffering from a chemical imbalance, for instance. Stepping Back However, if he was able to mentally detach from how he experiences life and reflect on what he believes, he could soon find that is carrying a number of beliefs that are totally irrational. For one thing, he could see that he believes that his mother’s life is more important than his own life. It is then going to start to make sense as to why he is so focused on her and neglects himself. Still, although he will see that this is something that he believes, he could see this as being more than just a belief. A Strong Reaction If he was to just think about living his own life and his mother is of secondary importance, he could end up feeling very uncomfortable. This could be a time when he will experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. It will be as though something bad is about to happen and that his life will come to an end. Thus, putting himself first is not going to be seen as something that is positive; it will be seen as something that will put his very survival at risk. Two Parts With this in mind, it wouldn’t be right to say that his life is the way that it is purely because of what he believes. In addition to this, there will be something else that is helping to keep what he believes in place. If it wasn’t for what was taking place further down, he would be able to gradually see through what he believes and change his life. At this point, he could wonder why his life is the way that it is. Way Back In all likelihood, his early years were a time when he was deprived of the nutrients that he needed to go through each development stage. It probably didn’t occur to his mother that he was a separate being with his own needs, feelings, wants and preferences. Consequently, he would have been used to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs. If he was in touch with his true self when he was born, then, he would have soon lost touch with it and automatically created a disconnected false self. A Painful Time At first, he is likely to have expressed his needs but, as time passed, he would have soon given up and lost touch with them. Expressing his needs is likely to have resulted in him being punished and disapproved of and rejected and abandoned, and this probably took place anyway. Being needless and doing what he could to meet his mother’s needs was a way for him to survive. Being deprived of what he needed would have caused him to experience a lot of pain, pain that would have ended up being automatically repressed by his brain. A Clear Message His experiences would have taught him that his mother’s needs, along with her life, were what mattered. As for his own needs, if he was not even been aware of them, he wouldn’t have thought about how they were not important. Therefore, he is likely to have unconsciously come to believe that his needs were not important. Ultimately, his mother was at the centre and he, and perhaps others, was on the periphery. Another Factor If his father was around during this period of his life, he may have also run around after his mother. Seeing his father behaving in this way and neglecting himself would have also sent the message that his mother was more important than anyone else. His father, someone who was an adult and not a child, was then not in his power and was unable to be a healthy role model to his son. What his father would have done is made his mother seem more powerful than she actually was. Drawing the line After having year after year of being deprived of what he needed, he is going to be carrying a lot of pain. Working through this pain, along with the unmet developmental needs that go with it is not going to happen overnight. This will require courage and patience and persistence. Yet, by engaging in this process, he will truly be able to put the past behind him and the beliefs that he formed will also start to fall away. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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