Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Need To Reconnect With His Personal Reality?

What can stand out for someone who has come into contact with a man who is overly focused on his mother is that he is too caught up in his mother’s life. They will then be able to see that he needs to start focusing on his own life.

This is not to say that they will believe that he needs to completely turn his back on his mother, but then this would be going from one extreme to another. Instead, they can say that he just needs to be more in balance.

An Analogy

Based on how he is behaving, it can be as though he has his own car and his own journey to undertake, yet he will be in his mother’s car and will be going on her journey. Thanks to this, his own car will be overlooked and so will his own journey.

To bring this back to reality; his body will be his own car and living his own life is how he will be on his own journey. Naturally, by living in this way, he will be abandoning himself and overlooking his own path.

Point of Awareness

In general, his attention is going to be in his head and on what is going on externally and for his mother in particular. What is going on in his body will then largely be a mystery, which will mean that most of his needs and feelings will be overlooked.

When it comes to what his mother’s needs and feelings are, though, this won’t be the case. He is likely to have a strong connection to what is going on for her and he might even believe that her reeds and feelings are his own.

Starved of Attention

This is going to both deprive his being and his life of a lot of energy, meaning that he could typically ignore his body and his life. But, due to how caught up he is in his mother’s world, this might not stand out.

However, as he is going to be neglecting himself, the signs are likely to be there that how he is behaving is not serving him. The challenge is that if he doesn’t pay attention to these signs, let alone know what they mean, he won’t be able to use the information that is being provided.

For Example

So, he could often feel drained and deeply depressed, for instance, but this could be seen as being caused by something else. That is, of course, if he even pays attention to this information.

Therefore, the information that he needs will be right in front of his eyes but he won’t be in a position to join the dots, so to peak. As a result of this, he will continue to stay in his mother’s car and go on her journey.

One Mile Too Far

Sooner or later, though, he might get to the stage where he is unable to live in this way. Something could happen that will knock him on his back and over time, he could start to wake up.

If this was to happen, it could show that he has had a breakdown, break up and/or has lost his job. At this point, he could still be in his mother’s car and on her journey but he will be wondering what is going on.

The Key

What will be essential is for him to gradually reconnect to his own body and, thus, his own needs and feelings and then to focus on his own life. This will allow him to get back into his own car and follow his own path.

What this will do is allow him to inhabit his own personal reality as opposed to being caught up in his mother’s personal reality. Nonetheless, while this will be imperative if he wants to live a life that is fulfilling, it doesn’t mean that he will just be able to do this.

Resistance

The mere thought of breaking away and living his own life could cause him to experience fear, anxiety and even terror. What this will illustrate is that although neglecting himself is harming him, it is seen as the only way for him to survive.

And, if he was to connect to his body, this could be a time when he will feel empty, hopeless, helpless and alone. Thus, focusing on his mother is also going to be a way for him to avoid falling into a pit of despair and being overwhelmed by his feelings.

What going on?

What this is likely to show is that he is in a developmentally stunted state due to being deprived of the nutrients that he needed during his formative years. Most likely, his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs.

Consequently, his survival would have stayed attached to his mother and he wouldn’t have developed a strong sense of self. Instead, he would have been greatly traumatised, causing his body to be filled with pain and for him to automatically disconnect from himself in the process.

A secondary defence

Ultimately, being caught in this mother’s reality, as bleak as this will be, will be a way for him to keep it together and function. For him to step away from her reality and back into his own and to be an embodied human being, he is likely to have a lot of pain to work through.

By engaging in this process, he will slowly go from being in an emotionally empty and underdeveloped state and full of pain, to feeling emotionally full and developed and settled. This will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk