Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Need To Update His ‘Software’?

When it comes to a man whose whole life practically revolves around his mother, it can be hard for someone to understand what is going on. He is going to be undermining himself, so this is to be expected.

They can wonder why a grown man would be so focused on his mother and deprive himself in the process. Ultimately, his behaviour is going to appear to be totally irrational.

Stepping Back

However, if they were to pretend, for a moment, that he is not a man and is actually a boy, how he is behaving might start to make sense. Of course, a boy needs his mother to survive, so he is not going to be able to break away and live his own life.

What could enter their mind, though, is that even if he was a boy, it still doesn’t mean that his life should revolve around his smother. Instead, his mother should be there for him, not the other way around.

A Replay

Now, when it comes to why he is behaving like a boy and a boy who is acting like his mother’s parent, it is likely to be due to what took place during his formative years. His physical body will then have grown but there will be a lot that hasn’t changed.

During this stage of his life, he probably missed out on a lot of the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. If so, his mother wouldn’t have been able to truly be there for him.

A Brutal Time

At this stage of his life, his mother may have used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. What this would have done is deprived him of what he needed and greatly wounded him in the process.

To handle what was going on, his brain would have automatically repressed the pain he was in and he would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, disconnected and frozen state. By losing touch with his true self, so his body, he would have ended up creating a false self.

An Act

A big part of this false would involve him being there for his mother and taking care of her needs and wants. But, as he missed out on what he needed and this false self was built on sand, he would have acted like his mother’s parent even though he felt like a wounded boy deep down.

Ultimately, he wasn’t allowed to express himself and be a carefree boy; he was forced into a role right from the beginning. The years would then have passed and his physical and mental self would have grown, but his emotional self will have stayed underdeveloped.

Stuck In The Past

Consequently, as an adult, he will have information inside him, information that is running his life that is longer relevant. To use an analogy; he will be like a new laptop that is running software that is decades old and is stopping the laptop from working properly.

At the same time, it wouldn’t be right to say that it is only his software that is amiss; it is also his hardware. If it was purely his software, once he is aware of what is going on, he would just be able to change his thoughts and beliefs and his life would change.

Far More To it

Having different thoughts and questioning what he believes will be a key part of what will allow him to transform his life, but, if this is the only thing that takes place, it is highly unlikely that he will be able to truly move on from what happened. The reason for this is that as he is likely to be in an emotionally undeveloped state, he will have a lot of emotional wounds to work through.

And, while someone’s thoughts are often seen as creating how they feel, this is a half-truth. The other part of this is that one’s emotional wounds can cause ‘negative’ and automatic thoughts and be triggered by ‘negative’ thoughts.

Out of Date

Moreover, this emotional pain will be having an effect on his brain and nervous system. This will be his hardware and a part of him that won’t be transformed by focusing solely on the mind.

But, regardless of the fact that he has both software and hardware to deal with, he will have an inner world that needs updating. The trouble is that as outdated and irrelevant as a lot of his thoughts, feelings and outlooks will be this won’t always be something that is clear.

Two Parts

For one thing, what is going on inside him will have been there for a very long time, which can make it appear to be ‘true’. Experiencing life in this way will be familiar and to his ego-mind, what is familiar is what is classed as safe.

Along with this, he could have a mother who expects him to be there for her and therefore, validates what is going on inside him. Thus, both his inner and outer world will generally create the impression that he is still a boy and that not only is pleasing his mother the right thing for him to do but that it is the only way for him to survive both emotionally and physically.  

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk