Mother Enmeshed Men: Does A Woman Need To Explore Her Unconscious Mind If She Ends Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?
Over the years, a woman may have been with a number of men who were too focused on their mothers. There is even the chance that she is currently with a man who is like this.
Assuming that she is currently single and not with a man who is like this, she could be well and truly fed up when it comes to this area of her life. What has taken place might not make any sense either.
A Big Difference
When she thinks about what these men were like, she can also see that she is nothing like them. For example, while these men would have been focused on their mother and not had much of a life, she might not even talk to her parents and could have a life that is fairly fulfilling.
Or, if she does speak to one or both of her parents, she might not have any trouble standing her ground and making it clear that she can’t do something for them. If this is the case, it is not going to be a surprise if she believes that she is nothing like these men.
Along with how she sees things, there can be the support that she receives from her friends. So, the people in her life could also say that she is nothing like these men and make it clear that she deserves to be with a decent man.
These people could find it hard to understand why this area of her life is this way and they could say, in one way or another, that she is simply unlucky. It will then be necessary for her to wait until her luck changes.
Having their support is naturally going to have a positive effect on her and she is likely to be grateful that she has these people in her life. Nonetheless, she could be tired of being told that she deserves a decent man and is a catch, for instance, and living a life that says otherwise.
After a while, she might even believe that there is something inherently wrong with her. And, that, if she was a good catch, she would have been with, if not be with, a man who is available.
A Low Place
At this point, she can feel pretty hopeless and helpless and question if this area of her life will ever change. What could enter her mind is that it will take a miracle for this area of her life to change.
Yet, if her life has been this way for a long time and other areas of her life are going well, it is not going to be a surprise that she is this way. Ultimately, she won’t be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What is unlikely to have occurred to her is that she doesn’t just begin and end with her conscious mind or her conscious sense of herself. Therefore, how she is experiencing life isn’t just being defined by the thoughts and feelings that she has at this level or even how she behaves.
In addition to what is taking place for her at this level, there is what is taking place at a deeper level. At this level, the level of her unconscious mind, are the feelings, unmet developmental needs, parts of herself and beliefs that are impacting how she experiences reality.
What this illustrates is that along with the part of her that she is aware of, there is a part of her that she is not aware of. Moreover, the latter is bigger and more impactful than the former.
By understanding that this part exists and that it is having an impact on her life, she will be able to look into what is going on at this level that is undermining her. Without this understanding, it is to be expected that she would believe that there is something inherently wrong with her and that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding her back.
An indirect way for her to find out what is going on at this level, as, thanks to the defences that she is likely to have in place, she is unlikely to be able to directly connect to this part of her, is for her to take a closer look at what took place during her formative years. By doing this, what she may gradually find is that this was a stage when she was deprived of the love that she needed.
Her mother and/or father might have been emotionally unavailable, which would have meant that she missed out on the attunement that she needed and a number of her developmental needs were rarely if ever met. Being ignored, rejected, and perhaps abandoned would have been normal.
Due to what happened, she wouldn’t have been able to move beyond this stage of her development. The pain that she experienced and a number of her developmental needs would have been repressed.
Many, many years will have passed, and her mind and physical self will have grown, but her emotional self will be frozen in time. She will still be carrying most if not all of the pain and unmet needs that were repressed all those years ago, and the men that she has been with will be mirroring back what needs to be resolved inside her own consciousness.
If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.