Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Woman Need To See Mother-Enmeshed Men As Symbolic Representations Of What She Needs To Heal?
Right now, a woman can be with a man who is anything but available. Yet, even though he is this way now, he might not have been this way at the beginning and may have created the impression that he was available.
Due to how much time he spends doing things for his mother, he may have very little time left for himself, let alone his partner or anyone else. When he is available, he could be mentally and emotionally somewhere else, with it not being possible for her to connect to him.
She is then going to be in a relationship, but it will be as though she is single. At the same time, if she was single, she would likely be in a better place mentally and emotionally.
The reason for this is that being with a man like this is going to have a negative impact on her wellbeing. She might then feel lonely and long to be in a relationship if she was single but she might not feel angry and frustrated, for instance.
If she was to think about what is and perhaps has been going on for a number of weeks, months and even years, she could feel deeply frustrated and angry. Along with this, she could feel helpless and hopeless.
There could also be moments when she feels deeply depressed and can’t see a way out of the hell that she is living in. This will show that she has been worn down by what is going on.
A Natural Outcome
Taking into account how much she is likely to have given and how little she is likely to have received from the man, this is to be expected. After all, she will be an interdependent human being who has needs.
If, on the other hand, she didn’t have needs and could just give, it would be different. What could make it harder for her to come to terms with what is going on is that she might have been in this position before.
Assuming that this is the case, she could believe that not only is the man that she is with the problem, but that this is just what men are like. She could think about how she has so much going on for her and is nothing like the man that she is with or the men that she has been with.
This is something that her friends could also back up, with them often telling her that she deserves better. Thanks to this, she will simply be unlucky and it could even be said that she is a victim.
What’s going on?
Based on what is going on, it will be clear that she is unlucky and is the victim in this scenario. Ultimately, as she has so much going on for her, she shouldn’t be with a man who is like this.
However, although this can be seen as the truth, what if there is far more to it? What if the man that she is with and the men that she has been with are showing her what she needs to resolve?
A Different Lens
On one level, then, she won’t have anything in common with these men, but, on another level, they will be mirroring back what is going on inside her. But, as they will be mirroring back will relate to what has been repressed and is held inside her unconscious mind, she won’t have been able to see this.
With this in mind, for her to gradually connect to what is held inside this other, hidden part of her, it will be a good idea for her to reflect on what these men remind her of. She is then not merely seeing them as human beings who are depriving her; she is seeing them as a representation of something else.
So, if she was to sit down and reflect on what these men remind her of, her mind could go blank. She might not be able to see how what is going on in this area of her life is connected to anything else that she has experienced.
What this is likely to illustrate is that her brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on what is going on. This will have taken place to protect her, not to undermine her.
Back In Time
If she was able to reconnect to some of what took place during her formative years, what could gradually stand out is that this was a stage of her life that was anything but loving. She may have had at least one parent who was emotionally unavailable and unable to love her.
Consequently, being ignored, rejected and abandoned would have been the norm. This would have caused her to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, hopeless, unloved, unwanted and deeply hurt.
To handle what was going on, the pain she was in and her developmental needs would have been repressed. The years will then have passed, but most if not all of this material will still be inside her.
And, these unmet developmental needs will cause her to recreate this early scenario in the hope that she will finally be loved. The trouble is that as she will be drawn to men who are unavailable, not to mention that it is too late for these needs to be met, she will be deprived all over again.
If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.