What is clear is that if a man is in a position where practically his whole life revolves around his mother and he is focused on her needs, he is not going to be empowered and feel as though he has control over his own life. He is likely to feel as though he is his mother’s possession and has to do what she wants.
This is, of course, assuming that he is aware of how he feels and is not shut down. There is the chance that behaving in this way is just what is normal, meaning that he won’t be aware of the fact that he is living in the wrong way.
Keeping It Down
If this is the case, he is likely to do what he can to keep his true feelings at bay, and this can be something that typically takes place unconsciously. So, the anger and frustration that he is likely to experience by being this way will be pushed out of his conscious awareness.
Without releasing it, then, he can do what he can to keep his inner feedback at bay and to carry on behaving in the same way, even though it won’t be serving him. The outcome of this is that the feedback that would inform him that he is living in the wrong way will be out of his reach.
A Miserable Existence
And, as he is out of touch with himself and not living a life that is in alignment with who he is, he is unlikely to live a life that is worth living. His life is likely to be greatly diminished as most of his life force will be directed towards his mother.
If he does have the tendency to avoid both the feelings and the thoughts that would shed light on what is going on for him, he could be in for a shock if he was to face reality. He would soon see how much he neglects his own life and how unfulfilling his life is.
At this point, he could feel utterly helpless and unable to do anything about his life. If a man has been aware of how he experiences life for quite some time, this can also be how he feels and sees life.
With this in mind, a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother is not going to be an empowered human being. It won’t matter that he is an adult as he won’t feel strong and capable.
Thus, due to how he feels and sees his life, he will just have to tolerate what is going on. It won’t matter how much pain this is causing him or how miserable his life is as he won’t have a choice.
Thanks to this, part of him may wish that he could go back to how he was before. He then wouldn’t be aware of what is going on but at least he would be comfortable oblivious to what is going on.
If he was to speak about his experience to someone, someone who is balanced and supportive, he could end up being told that he is not helpless. He could be told that he has the power to live his own life and to create a life that is worth living.
Ergo, although he won’t feel this way, this will be the truth. Upon hearing this, the man could experience a change in his mood and start to feel hopeful, but he could soon end up sinking down again as time passes.
It won’t matter that what he has been told is the truth as, as far as he is concerned, he won’t have any control over his life. This won’t just be seen as something that he believes, though, it will be seen as the absolute truth.
Consequently, the only way his life will change is if his mother changes or if someone comes to save him, for instance. Other than this, he will have no other choice than to put up with the miserable life that he has.
What is going on?
What this is likely to illustrate is that he has learnt to be helpless and this is why he can’t see a way out. Most likely, there was a stage of his life when he felt helpless, and, as he hasn’t been able to move on from this stage, he is unable to embrace his inherent power.
During his early years, his mother probably used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. This would have meant that most of his own needs would have been ignored and he had to be there for his mother.
This would have caused him to suffer immensely yet he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. He would have felt powerless and helpless as he was powerless and helpless.
Therefore, these were not “irrational” or “negative” feelings; they were feelings that reflected reality. The only thing that he could do to handle the pain he was in was to disconnect from his feelings.
Years of Training
For year after year, he would have been helpless and unable to do anything about what was going on, causing him to believe that he was helpless. As a result of this, now that he does have power and is free to live his own life, he will continue to behave in the same way.
In a way, it will be as though he has lived in a prison for many, many years and now that he is free to leave, he won’t have the ability to do so. The door will be open and not only won’t he walk through it but he won’t be able to see it.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.