What a man could find, if he was to get into a relationship, is that it is difficult for him to connect to how he feels and to experience love. If this is so, he could wonder if he has the ability to feel and to feel love in his heart.
Then again, he could come to the conclusion that he is just with the wrong person and needs to find someone else. If this was to take place, he won’t take a deeper look into what is going on.
The Evidence Is There
However, even if this is something that has only stood out now that he is in a relationship, if he was to take a step back and reflect on his life, he could see that this is how he has more or less always been. It then won’t just be that he finds it hard to connect to how he feels and to feel love when he is in a relationship.
No, this is how he can be in just about every other area of his life. Therefore, if he is able to feel and to feel love, it will be something that seldom takes place.
Out of the Dark
The reason why this has now stood out is that another person, his partner, will have noticed that something isn’t right and will have mirrored this back to him. Before this, how he experienced life would have just been what was normal and thereby, wouldn’t have stood out.
The trouble is that although this will just be what he is like, as opposed to how he is choosing to be, it doesn’t mean that his partner will be able to accept this. In her eyes, this could show that he is not really into her.
If he does show love, then, it can be the result of what he thinks he should do and what is seen as being an expression of love. Without being connected to his own feelings, he won’t be able to freely express his heart.
As he is not connected to his heart and able to freely express his love, he will have to rely on his mind and the guidance that others provide when it comes to expressing love. So, his partner can receive the “right” things at times but she can feel that something isn’t right.
A Challenging Time
If he has been in this position before, it could be even harder for him to handle what is going on. Thanks to his past experiences, it will be clear that he is the one who has issues as opposed to him not having met the right person.
Pointing the finger at his current partner, along with his previous partners is not going to appeal to him. But, due to how long he has been this way, he might question if he will ever be any different.
A Helpless Place
He might believe that he was just born this way and that there is absolutely nothing that he can do. Unlike some men, he won’t have the ability to feel deeply and to freely express his love.
Nonetheless, it is unlikely that he was born this way; how he experiences life is likely to be due to what took place very early on. This is why how he is as an adult won’t make any sense and he won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.
A Traumatic Time
During his formative years, his mother would have probably used him to meet some her adult and unmet childhood needs. This would have meant that he had to lose touch with his need and feelings, his true self.
If he had expressed his needs, he would have likely been punished, disproved of and/or abandoned. Thus, it simply wasn’t safe for him to express himself; he had to take care of his mother’s needs.
By not receiving the attunement that he needed to grow and develop, he would have lost touch with his emotional self – his body. It would have been too painful for him to feel and to be in his body.
Leaving his body would have been the only way for him to handle what was going on; he wouldn’t have been able to get away from his mother, as he was powerless and totally dependent on her, and he wouldn’t have been able to stop what was going on either. His heart would have also closed.
As his mother was unable to tune into his needs, the attention that he did receive would have rarely been in alignment with what he needed. His mother didn’t adapt to his needs, he had to adapt to her needs, and this would have caused him to suffer greatly.
Shutting down and losing touch with his feelings would have been something that automatically took place. Many, many years will have passed since that stage of his life, but he still won’t feel safe enough to be in his body, to feel and to express how he feels.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.