Mother-Enmeshed Men: Has A Mother-Enmeshed Man's Masculinity Been Knocked Out Of Him?

If a man is in a position where his life revolves around his mother and he neglects himself, it will be clear that he needs to start implementing boundaries. This is the only way that he will be able to reclaim himself.

Until this takes place, he will continue to turn his back on himself and a lot of his time and energy will be directed toward his mother. The trouble is that not only will he be neglecting himself, but, he might not be aware of this.

Another Element

And, if he is in a relationship, his partner is likely to be only too aware of the fact that he is out of balance. She can want him to draw the line with his mother and start asserting himself in their relationship.

Due to how he behaves, he might not have much time for her and, when he is around, he could typically be very passive and easy-going. As a result of this, she could often be in her masculine energy when she is around him.

A Lot of Effort

She can then be the one who makes most of the decisions and plans what they are going to do. While she might not mind playing this role from time to time, it is likely to be tiring for her to more or less always play this role.

If she has a job where she is a manager, for instance, she is naturally going to want to have moments in her life when she can let go and allow another person to take over. Yet, if she has spoken to him about what is going on for her and what she has noticed about him, she might not have been able to get very far.

Two Outcomes

He might not have listened to what she said and soon changed the subject. Or, he might have ended up agreeing with what she said but that might have been as far as it has gone.

What might then have stood out, after this, is that there is not much chance of him changing any time soon. At this point, she might wonder if she needs to cut her ties with him and move on.

Another Scenario

However, if he was to agree with what she says and he was to see that he needs to do something about his life, he could question why he is this way. He could see that he finds it hard to stand up for himself and be assertive.

Going with the flow and doing what others want, his mother, in particular, will be what comes easy. After becoming aware of this, he could feel angry and frustrated, and even end up feeling very low and depressed.

Looking Deeper

If he was to imagine standing up for himself and being assertive, he could experience a lot of resistance. By pushing through this resistance, he could find that he expects to be rejected and even harmed.

From this, it will be clear that standing his ground is not seen as something that will have a positive effect on his life; it is seen as something that will have a negative effect on his life. For him to be accepted and to survive, he will need to ignore his own needs.

What’s going on?

It can seem strange as to why he would be this way, but, if his early years were taken into account it might soon make sense. During this stage of his life, his mother is unlikely to have provided him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Instead, she is likely to have looked toward him to be there for her. The outcome of this is that he would have been forced to lose touch with a number of his developmental needs and feelings and become estranged from his true self in the process.

Another Part

When he did express himself, he is likely to have typically been criticised, rejected and even abandoned. There may have also been moments when he was physically harmed for asserting his will.

Therefore, instead of being encouraged and supported for expressing himself, he would have been punished in one way or another for doing so. It would have taken too much effort and been too painful for him to express himself, which would have caused him to slowly lose touch with this need.

The meaning

Furthermore, these experiences would have caused him to believe that he had no control over his life.  Many, many years will have passed but a big part of him will still see life in the same way.

The truth is that he can express himself and not only survive but thrive and he does have control over his life. For him to know this, at the core of his being, he is likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk