If a man is emotionally entangled with his mother and unable to live his own life, other people could end up commenting on his behaviour. This is something that his partner could do, assuming that he is in a relationship.
She could often tell him that although he spends a lot of time focusing on his mothers needs, he spends very little time focusing on their relationship. As a result of this, she is naturally going to feel ignored and unvalued.
Standing Her Ground
Due to the fact that his mother is the centre of his world, it is to be expected that his partner would speak out about this. If she simply tolerated what was going on and didn’t say anything, it wouldn’t be good for her wellbeing.
The only thing that this would do is cause her to experience a fair amount of frustration and anger and she could end up feeling depressed. She would then be physically in the relationship but she would emotionally leave it over time.
Thus, seemingly out of nowhere, she could leave the relationship and her partner could be totally confused. Through keeping what is going on for her to herself, he won’t know what is going on.
By being so focused on his mother, he won’t have been able to read the signs and to see that something wasn’t right. However, this wouldn’t have been the case if he was more in balance.
Yet, even though she will be doing the right thing by speaking out, he could end up reacting negatively. He could accuse her of having something against his mother and as being selfish.
If she was to say that he needs to “man up” or to “grow up”, it could be said that it won’t be a surprise if he reacts negatively. But, if this doesn’t take place, there will be no reason for him to behave in this way.
Shining the Light
What this may illustrate is that up until this point, it hadn’t occurred to him that he is too focused on his mother. Perhaps this is his first relationship, or this might be something that hasn’t been brought up before.
If he was to think about what has been said, it might soon occur to him that he is too focused on his mother. Instead of seeing what his partner has said as been something negative, he could soon see that what she has said is accurate.
The Next Part
After this, he could end up feeling ashamed and even believe that there is something inherently wrong with him. As if there wasn’t, he would just be able to take his attention away from his mother and to focus on his own life.
His need to do this will increase as time goes by but it most likely won’t be possible for him to simply draw the line and to live his own life. Consequently, he could feel weak and powerless.
It Will Take Time
As he didn’t receive what he needed during his early years, thanks to being used to fulfil his mothers adult and unmet childhood needs and his father not being emotionally or physically available, he will be in an emotionally undeveloped state. If he does feel weak and powerless, this will be why; it won’t be that he is inherently weak and powerless.
Dealing with what is taking place in his body, along with what is taking place in his mind, is likely to be what will gradually allow him to liberate himself. This is what will allow him to go from feeling like a dependent child, to feeling like an interdependent adult.
A Role Reversal
Below his need to focus on his mothers needs is likely to be the belief that he needs to please her in order to survive. He would have had to do this very early on, and, as his needs were rarely, if ever, met, he will have missed out on the nutrients that he needed to feel strong and capable and to individuate.
He would have had to play the parent role at this stage of his life and he will still be playing this role now. This will be a reflection of the false self that he had to develop to handle this stage of his life.
Stepping Into His Power
Dealing with his emotional wounds and questioning what he believes will be a big part of what will enable him to slowly let go of this role and to connect to his true self. He might not be able to fully accept it now but he will soon accept that he is not on this earth to be an extension of his mother and to fulfil her needs.
It may take a while before he can put himself first without feeling guilty but he will get there sooner or later. To help him along, he can imagine if he would want his child to feel responsible for him and guilty for putting themselves first.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.