Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man An Empty Shell?

If a man’s life revolves around his mother, what will stand out is that he is going to act more like an extension of her than a separate being that has his own needs and life to lead. At this point, it could be said that he just needs to implement boundaries with her and live his own life.

Not doing this, of course, is going to cause his own life to pass by and he won’t be able to get this time back. If it was possible for him to go back in time, this wouldn’t be the case.

One Hurdle

However, although this is what will need to take place so that he can live a life that is worth living, there could be a fair amount of resistance. Assuming that he was to become aware of how he is behaving and see that he is neglecting himself, he could soon go back to how he was before.

This will show that the part of him that can see clearly and is, lets say, healthy, will be outmuscled by another part of him that doesn’t want to face reality and is not healthy. This unhealthy part of him is then going to be far stronger than the healthy part of him.

Business as Usual

As a result of this, he will go back to how he was before and he will continue to turn his back on himself. But, now that part of him has ‘woken up’, it might not be long until he takes a step back again and sees that how he is living is not serving him.

What could soon enter his mind is that due to how strong the pull is for him to be there for his mother, this is what he is supposed to be doing. Being there for himself is then going to be the wrong thing and being there for her will be the right thing, even though this will have a negative impact on his well-being.

An Illusion

But, no matter how strong this pull is, it doesn’t mean that it is wrong for him to be there for himself. Ultimately, he is not here to take care of his mother’s needs, he is here to take care of his own needs.

Nonetheless, thanks to how strong this pull is, it might not matter how many times he is told this by others. When he connects to this pull, it could even be as though his mother is inside him and is controlling him from the inside.

Another Hurdle

Along with this, he may also find that while he doesn’t want to be focused on his mother, he doesn’t know what he wants to do instead. So, if he is not there for her, he could feel lost and unsure about how to live his life.

Furthermore, this could be a time when he will feel anxious and find it hard to feel at ease. This will show that he is dependent on her guidance and a big part of him believes that he needs to be focused on her in order to exist.

An Inner Emptiness

With this in mind, it is likely to illustrate that he doesn’t have a strong connection with himself and is in a disconnected state. Moreover, it is likely to show that a big part of him is in survival mode.

By being estranged from himself and, thus, out of touch with his feelings and a number of his needs, it is to be expected that he would be lost without his mother’s direction. And, as for a big part of him being in survival mode, it makes sense as to why he would see his mother as being essential to his survival.

A Bizarre Scenario

Instead of being connected to his body and, consequently, in tune with his needs and feelings, it is going to be as if he is missing something. He won’t feel strong and capable, that’s for sure.

By being in this empty and unresourceful state and not feeling at ease, unless he pleases his mother, it is not going to be a surprise that he won’t just be able to live his life. He will look whole and complete but this won’t be his inner experience.

What’s going on?

If this is how he has been for as long as he can remember, it is likely to mean that his adult life is simply a continuation of his early years. This would then have been a time when he had to be there for his mother, with him being deprived in the process.

In addition to being deprived of the emotional nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have experienced a lot of pain. This pain, along with his needs and feelings, so his true self, would have automatically been repressed by his brain.

A Natural Outcome

His physical self and his mental self would have grown but his emotional self wouldn’t have. This is why he will feel empty and incomplete and why his survival will still be attached to his mother.

Being in a repressed state is also going to prevent him from being able to access his inner guidance and know what is right for him. With this in mind, he is going to be like a house that needs renovating as opposed to a house that just needs repainting.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk