One thing that a man could find, that’s if he was to get into a relationship, is that he is out of touch with how he feels. Prior to this, it might not have even occurred to him that he was this way.
This would have just been what was normal and he may have been this way for as long as he can remember. But, although being this way might not have been an issue before, this will no longer be the case.
The Next Level
This is, of course, assuming that he wants to experience a deeper connection with his partner and to move forward with his relationship. For this to take place, he will need to reconnect to his emotional self.
He could struggle to understand why he is this way and could even believe that he was just born this way. Irrespective of if he comes to this conclusion, he could end up beating himself up.
His partner could also struggle to understand what is going on and she could believe that there is something wrong with her. She might believe that he is not really into her and, if he was, he would express how he feels.
However, if this is how he was been for most of his life, it is not going to be this black and white. The trouble is that due to what is going on for him, he might not have the awareness to make this clear to her.
The Fall Out
If this takes place, his partner could pull away, due to feeling rejected or she could end their relationship. He, on the other hand, could start to question if he is really into her and if he would be different with another woman.
Nonetheless, as he is emotionally shut down, it is unlikely that it would be any different with any other woman. That’s not to say that he wouldn’t experience more energy, sexual energy in particular, in another woman’s presence in the beginning and this might make him believe that it will be different.
But, if he was to take this route, it will probably only be a matter of time before he ends up in the same position all over again. There is also the chance that he has been in this position before and put it down to the fact that he wasn’t really into the woman he was with.
Now that the same thing has happened again, he will have been able to see that he doesn’t have access to his feelings. It will be clear that in order for this area of his life to change and for him to be more in tune with himself in general; he will need to form this connection.
Back In Time
There would have most likely been a stage of his life when he had a very good connection to his emotional self. This would have been when he was born, with this being a time when he was fully connected to his feelings and his body.
Compared to how he was then, it will be as if he has gone from one extreme to another; he won’t have been able to think at this point and now this is primarily what he will do. The big question is: why is he so different now?
A Traumatic Time
What this may illustrate is that his early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when he routinely felt overwhelmed. Instead of his mother being able to truly be there for him and meet his needs, she may have used him to fulfil some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.
As a result of this, he would have had to disconnect from his own needs and feelings, his true self, and to be who she wanted him to be. If he expressed his needs, he may have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned.
A Brutal Time
Not having his needs met and having a mother who wasn’t attuned to his needs would have caused him to experience a lot of pain. Naturally, he needed his mother to meet his needs to develop; he didn’t just have these needs for the sake of it.
And, as he was in a very vulnerable state and couldn’t speak, he needed his mother to be aware of when he felt overstimulated and to give him space. To handle the pain that he was in, he would have disconnected from his body.
The Only Option
This was the only thing that he could do; he wouldn’t have been able to leave or to tell her to stop and to respect his boundaries. Disconnecting from his body wouldn’t have stopped what was taking place but it would have stopped him from being aware of it.
This would have been something that automatically took place as opposed to something that he consciously chose to do. Still, although it allowed him to survive a stage of his life that was very traumatic, it will now be preventing him from being able to truly embrace the life that he has been given.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.