Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Giving His Mother His Energy?

If a man is often doing things for his mother, it will mean that a lot of his time and attention will be spent on her. As a result of this, she is going to receive a lot of his life force or energy.

Naturally, the energy that he directs towards his mother is going to be energy that he won’t have to direct toward his own life. If he had an endless amount of energy this wouldn’t matter but he doesn’t.

An Analogy

One way to imagine what is taking place would be to pretend that both his mother and himself have a house. His mother’s house will be coming along nicely, whilst his own house is going to be in a heavily neglected state.

For this to change, he will need to spend less time working on his mother’s house and more time working on his own. If this doesn’t happen sooner or later, his own house could practically collapse.

Oblivious

The trouble, of course, is that if a man is behaving in this way, he might not be consciously aware of how out of balance he is. He is then going to be neglecting his own life (his house), but he won’t be able to do anything about it.

When it comes to his own life, then, he might have a job that is not very fulfilling or a job that is fulfilling but he might not have been able to make much progress. As for his relationships, he might not have any close friends or be in an intimate relationship.

A Frustrating Existence

But, even if he is not aware of what is going on, it doesn’t mean that he won’t have moments when he feels very low. If he is not aware of what is going on, he won’t be able to join the dots, though, and change his life.

During these moments, he could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity that will change his inner state for a short while. This will merely be a temporary solution and it could mean that he is addicted to something that is having a destructive effect on him.

Washed out

If he was to believe that he suffers from depression, he could end up being put on medication Yet, as so much of his energy is going towards his mother and his own life is being neglected and is thus, not fulfilling, how else would he be?

The only way that he would be any different would be if his brain was able to keep his true feelings at bay and he could be totally in denial. This way, he would be able to live in an inauthentic manner and still be happy, and he may even have moments when he is like this.

Drawing the Line

The ideal will be for him to wake up before his life has totally collapsed, and this could be what is needed for him to see the light, so to speak. For example, he could have a breakup, a serious illness or a breakdown.

As to why something so severe can be needed is because of how caught up he is likely to be in his mother’s world. He won’t be in an altered state through having taken drugs, but it can be as though he is and this prevents him from facing reality.
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A Closer Look

What is likely to be fuelling his need to behave in this way and avoid facing reality is likely to be the pain that he is carrying. So, if he was to see clearly and stopped behaving like he is an extension of his mother, he is likely to come into contact with a lot of pain.

Ergo, he is not consciously choosing to direct a lot of his energy toward his mother and neglect himself; this is something that is automatically taking place. Most likely, he was forced to behave in this way as a child in order to survive.

Back In Time

During his formative years, his mother may have largely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. Consequently, he would have been deprived of the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way and ended up being deeply traumatised in the process.

Throughout this stage of his life, he is likely to have been regularly punished and disapproved of and rejected and abandoned. He would then have been born in an enmeshed and dependent state and as he missed out on so much, he would have continued to be this way.

Two Options

Deep down, he is going to believe that he either focuses on his mother and gives her his energy and survives, or, he focuses on his own life and has most of his energy and dies. This is due to the level of development that he currently has; he is going to be in an emotionally underdeveloped state.

If he had received the right nutrients, he would have been able to grow out of this stage and become an interdependent human being. As this didn’t happen, his physical and mental self grew but his emotional self didn’t.

A New Reality

His brain and body are likely to be carrying a lot of pain and arousal and this will need to be gradually worked through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

If he was to face all of this pain and arousal in one go, it is likely to be too much for him to handle. By doing this, he will slowly be able to emotionally grow up and feel comfortable directing more of his energy toward his own life.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk