Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Out of Touch With His Aggression?

In general, a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother could come across as very easy-going and passive. He is then going to create the impression that he is happy to be there for others and his mother, in particular, and he won’t have much oomph.

As a result of this, he is not going to have a strong connection to his masculine aspect; in fact, it could be as though he doesn’t have any masculinity in him. He will, on the other hand, have a very good connection to his feminine aspect.

A Door Mat

By being this way, it is likely to mean that he will often be walked over and taken advantage of by others. But, instead of making it known that he is not happy when this takes place, he could just soak it up.

Based on how he behaves when he is violated in one way or another, it can be as though nothing bothers him. He can then be the epitome of what it means to be tolerant and even be seen as a good example to follow.

A Daily Occurrence

This can be something that takes place around his work colleagues, his friends and his mother. At work, he could be seen as someone who lacks backbone and doesn’t assert himself.

As for his friends, they might have very little, if any, respect for him and they might even encourage him to “man up”. His mother could know, deep down, that he won’t stand up to her.

A Sleeping Giant

However, although he will be very tolerant and will very rarely get worked up, he is likely to carry a lot of fire inside him. But, as he will do his best, both consciously and unconsciously, to keep this fire at bay, he and most others won’t realise this.

If there are moments when he loses it, he could just believe that he is acting out of character and soon forget all about what has happened. He could feel very guilty and ashamed for a short while after this.

A Build-Up

Deep within him, there will be anger, rage and hate, and this will be the result of what has taken place throughout his adult life and his childhood years. His body can be loaded up with these feelings.

But, considering how many times he will have been walked over as an adult and a child, this is to be expected. A lot of his energy will be held here and it will take a lot of his energy to keep these feelings at bay.

Watered Down

So, what is clear is that he won’t feel comfortable standing his ground or facing how he truly feels. Thanks to this, he won’t be a whole human being; he will be a human being that has been stripped of his aggression.

For him to be able to stand his ground and fully step into his power, he will need to embrace how he feels and reconnect to his aggression. If he doesn’t, he will continue to be like a car without an engine – totally ineffective.

Going Deeper

The big question is: why is he this way if it is not serving him? What this is likely to show is that he doesn’t feel safe enough to embrace his aggression and to stand his ground, which is why he has to suppress and repress how he feels.

If he was to connect to this part of his being and to assert himself, he could fear that he will end up being harmed and/or abandoned. Keeping a big part of him at bay and putting up with being violated will be seen as the only way for him to survive.

Even Deeper

If he was able to go back in time and observe how he was treated by his mother during his formative years, how he behaves as an adult and the relationship that he has with his aggression would probably make sense. At this stage of his life, his mother most likely used him to full some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.

If he ever expressed his needs, he would have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned. Therefore, he would have learned very early on that, in order to survive, he had to lose touch with his true self and please his mother.

Split Off

In addition to losing touch with his true self, he would have lost touch with this aggression. In both cases, this would have been something that took place automatically, not something that he consciously chose to do.

This aggression/fight instinct was there to protect him and it would have played a part in what would have allowed him to emotionally separate from his mother and to live his own life as time went by. Still, while he would have lost touch with this side of him very early on, it doesn’t mean that what took place wouldn’t have left a mark on him.

A Traumatic Time

He would have still experienced anger, rage, and hate throughout this time, and, whenever he experienced these feelings he would have had to repress them. His priority at this stage was to keep his mother around and, due to how she behaved; it would have been seen as being too much of a risk for him to express how he felt.

He needed to be estranged from himself to handle this stage of his life and, now that he is an adult, what helped him to survive as a child will be causing him to suffer unnecessarily. Many, many years will have passed but he will still see life in the same way.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk