The ideal will be for a man to be both in touch with what is going on within him and what is going on without. This will allow him to be there for himself and to be there for others.
If he is unable to be there for himself, it won’t be possible for him to truly be there for others. What this comes down to is that if he doesn’t fill up his own cup, so to speak, he won’t have anything to give.
However, if a man is emotionally entangled with his mother, he can rarely, if ever be in touch with what is taking place within him. It is then going to be normal for him to be focused on what is going on externally.
Or to be more accurate, he will be focused on what is going on for his mother. Not only this, his priority will be to do what he can to take care of her needs and to do what he can to please her.
Out of Balance
His own needs are typically going to be overlooked and he might not even realise that he has any. Of course, he will be aware of his basic needs, such as his need to eat, sleep and wash.
But, even though he will be aware of these needs, along with others, there can still be moments when he will overlook them. Like the rest of his needs, these will be put to one side so that he can be there for others and his mother, in particular.
In a way, it will be as though his mother is the sun and he will find it hard to take his attention away from her. He is then going to have an excellent understanding of what her needs are but a very poor understanding of what his own needs are.
Yet, as he is so focused on her needs, this is unlikely to be something that he will be aware of. This is going to mean that his attention is primarily in his head, not his body.
By having his attention in his head, not his body it will make it easy for him to tune into other people’s needs. He will still be an individual but being this way can allow him to almost merge with another person.
Once this has taken place, as will be the case with his mother, he won’t be able to tell the difference between his needs and feelings and another person’s needs and feelings. He will then only look like a separate being as he won’t act like one.
Paying the Price
Over time, living in this way is likely to wear him down and there will come a point where he simply can’t carry on living in the same way. This will be a natural consequence of the fact that he is neglecting himself.
So, seemingly out of nowhere, he could have a breakdown and it could be hard to get out of bed. He could struggle to understand what is going on but it will have taken a lot of effort and many, many years for him to have ended up this way.
For all this time, he will have been totally estranged from himself and will have lived in the wrong way as a result. Now that he has fallen down, he will have the chance to draw the line and to gradually live in a way that is in alignment with his true self.
In order for him to come to this conclusion, though, he may need to work with a counsellor or a therapist, for instance. Someone like this, after finding out more about his life, will be able to see why he has ended up in this position.
Living on the Surface
For his life to change, he will need to get out of his head and reconnect to his body as this is where his true self will be found. Nonetheless, while he will need to do this, it doesn’t mean that he will just be able to get back in here.
Being in his head and focusing on what is going on for other people will be what feels comfortable. It can seem strange as to why he would be this way but it will most likely be due to what he experienced during his early years.
Back In Time
At this stage of his life, his mother probably used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. If he expressed his needs, he would have probably been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned.
He would have learned very early on that it wasn’t safe for him to express himself and he would have had to lose touch with his needs and feelings, and, in the process, his body. Being in touch with his body and experiencing the pain that he would have experienced through not getting his needs met would have been too painful, which is why he had to disconnect from his body.
Replaying The Past
As this stage of his life is over, it will mean that it is safe for him to be in his body, in touch with his needs and to freely express himself. Nevertheless, as he will be in a traumatised state, he won’t just be able to get back into his body and live his own life.
He will need to resolve the trauma that is held inside his body and this won’t be something that will take place overnight. It will require patient and persistence.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.