If a man is in a position where he is emotionally entangled with his mother, there is the chance that he is not even aware of this. This is likely to show that this is normal, which is why he is unable to see what is going on.
Focusing on his mother's needs and doing what he can to be there for her is likely to be his priority. While this will mean that he will have the inclination to neglect himself, it is going to be what feels comfortable.
It could be said that he is more like his mother's parent than her son. Still, this is not to say that this is something that will always stand out to others, as he could largely be seen as doing the right thing.
When another person has this view, they will believe that he is doing what a son should do. It probably won’t occur to them that he is overlooking most of his own needs and is not truly living his own life.
A Dysfunctional Environment
What this could illustrate is that he lives in a society where children are seen as being an extension of their parents. Their purpose is then not to live their own life; it is to serve their parents and to be there for them.
In a society like this, the parents, the beings who will have been on this planet for a lot longer than their children, will look towards them to be there for them. This illustrates that there is a great imbalance.
If he lives in a society like this, there is going to be no reason for most of its citizens to recognise what is actually going on. Most of these people will be in a similar position and will just be parroting what has been parroted to them.
But, even if he doesn’t live in a society like this - what could be classed as a co-dependent society – there are still going to be plenty of people who will provide him with positive feedback. This feedback will play an important role in what will allow him to keep it together and to carry on behaving in the same way.
Running On Empty
Nonetheless, not being there for himself and neglecting most of his needs is going to have a big effect on him. So, regardless of if he lives in a society where children are seen as an extension of their parents and as possessions, it won’t change the fact that he will have his own needs, wants, and preferences.
Most of these may have been covered up but it won’t be possible for them to be completely removed. They will stay there, hidden deep within him and not fulfilling them will cause him to suffer.
In general, though, he will probably do what he can to deny how he really feels and to carry on behaving in the same way. It wouldn’t be right to say that this will be a conscious process, however, as it is likely to be something that will typically take place without him being aware of it.
The outcome of this is that although he might make out that everything is fine when he is around others, he could feel deeply depressed when he is in his own company. Keeping this pain at bay and maintaining this facade is going to take up a lot of his energy.
If he was to embrace his needs and feelings, it might not be long until he ends up feeling guilty and experiencing fear and anxiety. Being in tune with himself and allowing his life to be an expression of who he is should feel comfortable.
But, as this isn’t the case, it is to be expected that he will do what he can to be there for his mother and will continue to abandon himself. For him to experience deep fulfilment, joy, to feel alive and to know that he is living in the right way, he will need to be in touch with who he is and for his life is an expression of who he is.
Back In Time
As to why he would be estranged from himself and focused on his mother needs, this is likely to be due to the fact that, during his early years, his mother used him to full her needs. He will have experienced a physical birth but he won’t have experienced an emotional birth.
If he had received the right care, he would have gradually been able to develop a sense of self and start the individuation process. This attunement would have allowed him to stay connected to his needs and feelings, his body, and to feel safe enough to pay attention to this inner guidance.
To handle this stage of his life, he would have had no other choice than to focus on his mother's needs. His mother’s needs would have become his needs, with his own needs becoming a complete mystery.
If he ever expressed his own needs, he may have been punished or abandoned. His early care, then, caused him to lose touch with his true self and to be super focused on his mother.
The Same Story
Many years will have passed since this stage of his life and he will look a lot different, but he will still be behaving in the same way. As opposed to preparing him for the real world, his childhood will have greatly undermined him.
He will live on the surface of himself and he is going to carry a lot of emotional pain deep inside his body. In a way, he will be like a car that has been smashed up and needs some serious work.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.