Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Woman Unconsciously Tying To Be Loved By Her Parent If She Ends Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

If a woman is with a man who is overly focused on his mother, what might soon come to mind is that this is not the first time that she has been in this position. She might see that her previous partner was the same.

That might be as far as it will go, or she could see that this is something that goes back even further. If so, she could see that just about every relationship that she has been in has involved her being with a man who is overly preoccupied with his mother.

A Big Moment

Assuming that she has had this realisation and has been with a number of men like this, she could be in a place of shock. Part of her might not want to accept what is going on and might try to deny it.

But, another part of her could be happy to face what is going on and this part could wonder why her life is this way. What might enter her mind is that she is simply very unlucky and that this area of her life is bound to change soon.

Another Part

Alternatively, she could believe that this is just what men are like and that there is very little that she can do. What could play a part in why she has come to this conclusion is that other areas of her life could be going well.

So, she could have a good job, be doing well financially and be in good shape physically, for instance. Therefore, she will tick a number of boxes, so to speak, and it won’t be as though she is lacking anything.

External Feedback

Regardless of what her conclusion is, she could have a number of friends and family members who will validate her outlook. If she believes that she is unlucky, then, the people in her life could agree.

And, if she believes that this is just what men are like, these people could also say the same thing. These people could be being honest or they could be saying what they believe she wants to hear.  

Stuck

Now, whether she sees herself as unlucky or believes that all men are like this, the outcome is likely to be the same. She is likely to feel pretty hopeless and helpless as there will be very little if anything that she can do.

However, although it might seem as though this is the truth, what if there is far more to it? What if she is playing a part in what is going on but the part of her that is influencing this area of her life is hidden?

Two Parts

What this comes down to is that along with her conscious mind, she also has an unconscious mind. This other part of her is bigger and has a greater impact on her life than her conscious mind.

It is for this reason that she can do all the ‘right’ things and her conscious mind can be full of positivity, for instance, and yet, one or a number of areas of her life can be anything but fulfilling. Without this understanding, it will then be perfectly normal for her to see what is going on ‘out there’ as the issue.  

Shinning the Light

In order for her to see what is taking place at a deeper level that is causing her to continually end up with men who are unable to be there for her, there are a number of things that she can do. One thing that she can do is to ask herself if the men that she has ended up with remind her of her mother and/or father.

At first, she could say that they are nothing like her mother and/or father, and she could say that they were very different. This could be so, but, at the same time, the view that she has of her mother and/or father might not reflect what they were actually like.

A Defence

If her view doesn’t match up with what they were actually like, it is likely to show that her brain has blocked out what took place during her early years to protect her. Having an idealistic view of them will then be a way for her to keep her true feelings at bay and therefore, to keep it together and function.

Assuming that she does have a false view of one or both of her parents, if she was able to remember how they behaved and how she felt, she could see that this area of her life is more or less a replay of her early years. Her mother and/or father wouldn’t have truly been able to be there for her and love her and now, as an adult, the same thing will happen with the men she ends up with.

What going on?

At this point, she could wonder why she has unconsciously re-created what it was like for her as a child. What she went through as a child would have caused her to experience a lot of pain and deprived her of a lot of what she needed.

The pain and her unmet developmental needs would have automatically been repressed, and a big part of her will still be trying to receive the love that she missed out on. To try to achieve this aim, this part of her will cause her to unconsciously be drawn to men who are just as unavailable as her mother and/or father, in the hope that she will finally be loved.

It’s over

But, as these men are unavailable, not to mention that this stage of her life is over, this is not going to take place. In the same way, then, that she was deprived as a child, she will continue to be deprived as an adult.

For her to gradually liberate herself, she will need to reconnect to the pain that she repressed as a child and work through it. Another part of this will be for her to experience her unmet developmental needs.
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Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk