After living in a way that wasn’t serving him, a man can now be in a position where is aware of this. There can be a number of reasons as to why he has been able to see what is going on.
He may have recently experienced a breakup or he may have just got into a relationship. Then again, he might have got to the point where he simply can’t carry on living in this way due to being totally exhausted.
Either way, it will now be clear to him that he has been too focused on his mother’s needs and has typically overlooked his own needs as a result. So, although it probably won’t be comfortable for him to realise this, it will allow him to change his life.
Of course, if he hadn’t become aware of what was going on, he would have continued to go down the same path. Therefore, as bad as this may be for him, it will be a blessing in disguise.
The most important thing will be for him to take the next step; naturally, if he doesn’t do this, it is highly unlikely that his life will change. Most likely, his life will just get even worse than it already is.
If he is in a relationship, for example, it might only be a matter of time before he ends up losing his partner. Yet, if he is not in a relationship, it might not be possible for him to have another relationship, at least not with a woman who is available.
And, if he has got to the point where he is totally exhausted, he could end up killing himself before long. However, while it will be essential for him to take the next step, there is the chance that a big part of him will be reluctant to do so.
He could come to the conclusion that it is too late for him to move forward now and furthermore, he could say that he is too old. Thanks to this, it will be as though he just has to tolerate what is going on and reside himself to living a miserable life until his last breath.
A Legitimate Reason
If he was to share this with his partner, if he has one, or a friend, for instance, they could end up dismissing what he has said. As far as they are concerned, this could simply be seen as an excuse; nothing more, nothing less.
Nonetheless, to him, this will be seen as the truth and he could dismiss, either externally or internally, what other people say. These people could wonder why he is this way and why he won’t take the next step.
A Closer Look
This could mean that he is at the later part of his life but then again, this might not be the case. He could be in his thirties or his forties, for instance, or he could be slightly older.
But, irrespective of how old he is, he will be younger than he would be if he was to realise what was going on in five, ten or fifteen years time. Also, the sooner he takes action, the sooner his life will change.
No Time like the Present
Taking this into account, there is a strong chance that the reason that he says that it is too late and perhaps he is too old is because of another reason. This view that he has is then a defence that he is unconsciously using to stop himself from experiencing certain things.
If he was to let go of this view, he could come into contact with a number of feelings that make him feel deeply uncomfortable. He could end up feeling helpless, hopeless, powerless and worthless.
Full Of Limits
If so, this is also likely to show that he doesn’t believe that he has what it takes to change his life, he deserves to change it or that he is allowed to. Putting up with how things are then, as restrictive as this will be, will be a way for him to stop himself from being overwhelmed by his repressed inner material.
How he feels, along with what he believes can be seen as a consequence of how traumatic his early years were. This is likely to have been a time when his mother used him to meet her adult and unmet childhood needs, which would have deprived him of the nurturance that he needed to be able to grow and develop.
A Continuation of The past
The defeatist attitude that he has as an adult, then, won’t be coming from his adult self; it will be coming from his wounded child self. He probably won’t be aware of this part of him but it will be defining his life.
He won’t realise that even though he was powerless and helpless at this stage of his life, it doesn’t mean that he is this way now. Additionally, his needs would have been seen as bad at this stage but that doesn’t mean that they are bad.
What he will need to keep in mind is that no matter how old he is, it doesn’t mean that it is too late for him to change his life. Moreover, he deserves to live a life that is in alignment with who he is, not who his mother wants him to be.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.