Mother-Enmeshed Men: Was A Mother-Enmeshed Mans Father Enmeshed?

If a man is unable to live his own life, due to how focused he is on his mother, it can appear as though she is the main problem. It might even seem as though the only way that he will be free is if his mother passes on.  

This is something that a woman could say as a result of how caught up he is in his mother’s world. Unless this happens, then, it can appear as though he won’t be able to break away and live his own life.

A natural outcome

To someone who is on the outside and is unaware of how he behaves, what she has said might sound a bit extreme. But, if they were to put themselves in her shoes for a short while, they might soon understand why she has this view.

They will be able to see that he is seldom there for himself and his mother is the centre of his world. Thus, he will be a separate being but he will act as if he is an extension of his mother.

Back In Time

Taking into account how he behaves, it is highly likely that this is a continuation of how it was for him as a child. So, throughout this stage of his life, a number of his developmental needs are likely to have been ignored, with him being forced to focus on her needs.

A time in his life when he needed to receive love, in order to grow and develop in the right way, would have been a time when he had to give and behave more like her parent. The outcome of this is that he would have been deeply deprived and greatly wounded.

Developmentally Stunted

His physical and mental self would have grown, but, as a number of his developmental needs were rarely if ever met, his emotional self will be frozen in time. In other words, he will look like an adult but he will feel like a child deep down.

Based on this, his mother was able to give birth to a child but she wasn’t in a position to provide her child with what they needed to experience an emotional birth. This is likely to be because she was developmentally stunted, after being used by one or both of her parents and was unable to give him the love that he needed.

Another Part

Now, his father might not have been around during this time; then again, he might have been around. If he was around, he might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for his son.

Not only this, he might have generally been dominated by his son’s mother and acted more like her son than her equal. If so, both his mother and his father wouldn’t have been able to provide him with what he needed.

A Big Impact

As his father also acted like an extension of her, he wouldn’t have been exposed to a healthy way of behaving. His father would have sent him the message that behaving in this way is what is normal and the right thing to do.

And, if he tried to express himself or was assertive, his father might have soon criticised or harmed him. From this, it will be clear that his father was not in his power, which is why he couldn’t help his son to realise his power.

One priority

Just as his mother was primarily focused on meeting her own needs, his father was also focused on meeting his own needs. In all likelihood, his father had a fear of being abandoned, and, therefore, did what he could to please his partner to avoid being left.

What this is likely to show is that he was deprived of what he needed during his formative years. At this stage of his life, he probably had a mother who used him and a father who lacked backbone.

A Replay

Naturally, as his mother and father were wounded children who needed a mother and father, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t have been able to give him what he needed to grow into a strong man. It will now be up to him to do what he needs to do to gradually change his life.

However, he will need to become aware of what is going on before this can take place. For this to happen, something dramatic might need to take place.  

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk