Before a man has even got to the point where he is in a relationship with a woman, there is a strong chance that they will already be having sex. If this is not the case, it could show that he is religious.
Conversely, it could be a sign that he is more traditional and wants to take his time. Then again, he could just be someone who is not very comfortable with asserting himself, causing him to deny this part of himself.
Or, if the man is not religious or traditional, perhaps he is with someone who is religious or traditional. It is likely to work better if both of them are religious or traditional, as this will mean that they are both coming from the same place.
When a man is having sex at this point, he may find that he is still able to enjoy this area of his life when he gets into a relationship with the woman. Also, as time goes by, they will have a better understanding of each other.
A Stronger Bond
Due to what has taken place between, they will feel more at peace in each other’s company. There is then going to be a good level of trust and respect between them, allowing them both of fully let go in each other’s presence.
Both of them will know what turns the other on, making it easier for them to have fulfilling sexual experiences. This area of their life could be seen as a vital part of their relationship, with it being something that strengthens the bond that they have and brings them even closer together.
Still, this doesn’t mean that the man, or even the woman, will always be in the mood to make love. Pressure from work and other commitments could weigh on their mind, taking away their sexual desire.
But, after a little while they should soon find that their sexual desire returns, allowing them to get back in touch with their body and to experience pleasure once more. If something like this happens, they could find that their partner is supportive, just as they are when their partner is not in the mood.
The man is then going to be in touch with his body and his heart; he is then going to be operating as a whole human being. In another words, every part of him is going to be showing up.
Being in a relationship with a woman is not going to cause him to lose himself or to come on too strong either. However, while there will be men who are able to show up during the early stages of meeting someone and once it develops into a relationship, there will be other men who are able to do so.
A Different Story
A man can then meet a woman and end up having sex with her as times goes by, but, as soon as things get serious, he can end up losing interest in sex. He can go from someone who has a high sex drive and finds it easy to get an erection, to someone who has no sex drive and can’t get an erection.
It will be as if he loved a certain meal at one point in time, only to be completely turned off by it at another. Just as he might find this strange, he may also struggle to understand why he has shut down.
There can then be the anxiety and even shame that he experiences, and there can be what the woman goes through. The man could start to fear that he will end up being rejected or seen as being weak.
The woman, on the other hand, could come to believe that the man is no longer attracted to her, causing her to feel rejected and even worthless. Yet, if the man hasn’t revealed what has taken place and the woman hasn’t realised what is going on, he may resort to using alcohol or different substances to get himself in the mood.
What’s going on?
Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that he is simply under a lot of stress at this time in his life and that this will soon pass. It will then be essential for him to find a way to de-stress, so that he can enjoy sex again.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that the reason he has shut down is due to the effect that getting close to a woman has had on him. Getting close to a woman may have brought up to the surface what hasn’t been resolved from his early years.
This may have been a time in their life when their mother got too close to them, causing them to feel smothered and overwhelmed. Not only would this have caused them to feel violated, it would have also felt wrong at a deeper level.
Their mother wouldn’t have seen them as a separate human being; instead, she would have seen him as an extension of herself. It was then not down to her to fulfil her son’s needs, it was down to her son to fulfil her needs.
The man will then have shut down to avoid having to feel all the feelings that he experienced when his mother got too close to him. On the plus side, this will allow him to experience a sense of relief, but on the negative side, this will cause him to disconnect from himself, and, of course, it will have a negative effect on his current relationship.
If he was to get back in touch with his body and to no longer feel shut down, he may end up experiencing shame and even feel nauseous. This could be followed up by feeling trapped and smothered.
The years will have passed since the man was a powerless and dependent child, but the emotional experience he had as a child will have stayed within him. Ultimately, getting close to a woman will cause him to re-experience how he felt when he got close to his mother.
His inner mother will need to be removed from his inner world in order for him to be able to embrace the present moment and to longer see his partner, or any other woman for that matter, as his mother. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.