For some men, casual sex is something that they will engage in from time to time, while there are others who only have casual sex. When it comes to the former, this could be something that takes place after a man has just been in a relationship.
Going with another woman, more or less straight after they have broken up with their girlfriend, can then be a way of them to feel better. They are then unlikely to see this woman as a potential mate.
A Short-Term Option
As soon as he starts to feel better about himself, he may find that he is no longer interested in this woman. This is not to say that he will be leading the woman on, though, as he might have made it clear from the outset that he is not looking for anything serious.
What he has said to the woman, along with how he behaves, will then make it clear what his intentions are. The woman will then be fully on board with what is taking place, or she will be going against her true needs.
There is, or course, even the chance that it will end up turning into more, even though this was not the intention to begin with. This could be seen as a sign that the man’s emotions are out control, which is why he is going against his true needs.
Another way of looking at it would be to say that as this is a man who is used to being in a relationship; it is not a surprise that he would want more. Simply having sex with a woman is not going to be enough for him.
An Empty Experience
For a short while, then, having casual sex might be what feels comfortable, but, as time passes, this will start to change. So, in the same way that he might not want to eat fast food all the time, he won’t want ‘fast sex’ all the time either.
Their sexual needs might be met by having casual sex, but the rest of their needs will end up being overlooked. This man may have had a fair amount of casual sex during his early years, or it might not have really interested him then either.
A Very Different Experience
For other man, casual sex can be the only thing that they are interested in. It is then not going to matter what a woman is like as a person, as they won’t have the need to experience anything else.
When a man can relate to this, he may find that he hasn’t ever had a relationship with a woman. Or if he has, this may have been a relationship that was anything but fulfilling, taking away any desire to have another one.
This man could wonder why other men have relationships, believing that they are not worth the effort. He may even go farther than this and say that women are only good for one thing.
Due to the fact that he only wants sex, it could show that he is not even aware of his emotional needs. If he is out of touch with the rest of his needs, there will be no reason for him to see that he is overlooking certain needs.
All in It Together
When it comes to the men who he spends time with, there is the chance that most of his friends are the same. Each person will then support what the other person is doing, giving them no reason to change their behaviour.
Also, casual sex is a normal part of the modern day world, so there will be no need for them to believe that they are doing anything that is out of the ordinary. There are, for example, numerous dating apps that people can use to hook up with another person.
A Closer Look
It could be said that there are a number of reasons as to why a man would only wants to have sex and has no interest in anything else. And one of the reasons why this can take place is due to what his relationship was like with his mother at the beginning of his life.
This may have been a time in his life when his mother was unable to respect his boundaries and used him to meet her own needs. A role reversal would then have taken place, with him becoming the parent and his mother becoming the child.
A Surrogate Spouse
His father may have been either physically or emotionally unavailable, causing his mother to look to him to fulfil her emotional needs. It wouldn’t have been possible for his mother to realise that he was not an extension of her.
This would have stopped him from getting the attunement that he needed to develop boundaries and a strong sense of self. His mothers attention will have most likely caused him to feel smothered, powerless, trapped and to experience shame.
How he felt at this stage of his life won’t have disappeared as the years passed; it will have stayed within him. Thus, if he was to share more than his body with a woman, and actually become emotionally attached to her, it would retrigger all these feelings.
Naturally, this would cause him to feel overwhelmed, taking away his interest in sex altogether. It then won’t matter that the woman is not his mother as part of him will perceive her in this way.
Their priority is going to be to stop these feeling from reappearing, setting them up to deny their need to actually connect to a woman. Thanks to how they live their live, they may rarely come into contact with how they felt as a child.
If a man can relate to this, and he wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.