It could be said that one of the greatest needs that someone will have will be to express themselves and to live a life that is in alignment with who they are. Now, if someone is in a position where the above is taking place and their life is in alignment with who they are, living in this way can just be what is normal.
As a result of this, this can just be how their life is and it might seldom, if ever, cross their mind that their life is this way. However, although this is how it will be for some people, there will be others who are in a very different position.
A Different World
For a man who is emotionally entangled with his mother, what is likely to be normal is behaving how she wants him to behave and living a life that is in alignment with who she is. Or to be more accurate, the inflated false self that she is likely to have as she is probably completely estranged from herself.
Both the man and his mother, then, are likely to be out of touch with who they are and not even know it. Most likely, this is how the man has been for many, many years.
If he is out of touch with most of his own needs and feelings and is not aware of this, this doesn’t mean that he won’t suffer. As he is neglecting himself, he will pay a heavy price.
Consciously, he can do his best to avoid the feelings and thoughts that are there to let him know that he is living in the wrong way. Still, there could come a point in time when he can no longer behave in the same way.
One Big Facade
Due to the mask that he wears, he could typically come across as happy, selfless and as though nothing bothers him. Behind this mask, however, will be someone who is in a lot of pain and desperately wants to reveal who he is.
But, as he is neglecting himself and is not living a life that truly reflects who he is, how could he be pleased with his life? He will be free to express himself, yet it will be as if he is living in an invisible prison.
What’s going on?
So, if a man is living in this way and he is not fully aware of what is going on, it is likely to be due to what took place during his early years. At this stage of his life, he was most likely used by his mother to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs.
If he expressed his needs, he probably would have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned. To survive and to try to keep his mother around, he had had to lose touch with his needs.
A Massive Risk
With this in mind, it is clear to see why he doesn’t express who he is now that he is an adult and why his life doesn’t really reflect who he is. Many, many years will have passed since he was a child but he will continue to see life in the same way.
Expressing himself would have been a threat to his very survival very early on, and, at a deeper level, he will have the same view. This will also show that his survival is still attached to his mother.
Half Man, Half Boy
Since that stage of his life, his physical body will have grown but his emotional self is likely to have stayed the same. This is why he will still believe that he needs to please his mother to survive.
Until what is taking place at an emotional level changes, his need to express himself will continue to be dominated by his need to please his mother. The sooner this inner conflict is resolved, then, the sooner he will be able to live a life that is worth living.
What he will need to keep in mind, once he “wakes up”, is that he is not here to do what his mother or anyone else wants; he is here to live his own life. Moreover, he will need to keep in mind that he deserves to live his own life.
He was used by his mother, who wasn’t in a good way, and that’s the reason why he believes that it is wrong for him to live his own life. As he questions what he believes and deals with the trauma that he experienced, he will gradually be able to liberate himself.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.