Transformational Writing
  • Home
  • Latest Articles
  • About
    • About
    • Influential People
    • Testimonials
    • Recommended Reading
    • Videos
  • Shop
    • Audio Books
    • Books
    • Courses
    • How-To Guides
  • Work With Me
    • Book Writing Guidance
    • Consultations
    • Free Consultation
  • Articles
    • Abuse
    • Behaviour
    • Boundaries
    • Communication
    • Defence Mechanisms
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Happiness
    • Men's Psychology
    • Movie Metaphors
    • My Blog
    • Relationships
    • Self Image
    • Self Realisation
    • Social Causes
    • The Ego Mind
    • Therapy
    • Women's Psychology
  • Contact

Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Mother-Enmeshed Man Feel Comfortable Being There For His Mother?

17/5/2022

0 Comments

 
What can be normal for a man is for practically his whole life to revolve around his mother. This means that a number of his needs, along with his feelings, will be overlooked, with him putting a number of his mother’s needs first.

This will then just be what happens and he won’t need to think about behaving in this manner. However, by being this way, he is going to be neglecting himself.

His priority

But, as his mother is the centre of his world and his most important relationship, it is to be expected that he will pay a price. Thanks to the amount of time and energy that is directed towards her, he won’t have much left for himself.

Furthermore, he is not going to have much time and energy left to have an intimate relationship with another person. Therefore, even if he is in a relationship, it is highly likely that the woman he is with will feel ignored and undervalued.

Cast Aside

The feedback that he receives that sheds light on the fact that he is living in the wrong way is likely to end up being overlooked. For example, he could often feel drained and both his career and his health could be in a bad way.

Also, if he is in a relationship, his partner could routinely talk to him about her experience and how she feels. Additionally, she could say that he is not taking care of his own needs and needs to do more for himself.

An Impenetrable Wall

At this point, it could be said that in order for him to wake up he will need to experience something that will shake him up. As things stand, he is likely to carry on behaving in the same way and this could cause him to lose the woman he is with; that is if he is in a relationship.

When it is put forward to him that he is living in a way that is not truly serving him, he could say that this is not true. He could accuse his partner, or anyone else for that matter, as being selfish, as having something against his mother and/or as being deluded, for instance.

Waking Up

If he was to wake up fairly quickly or very slowly, it could be because his partner leaves him, he has a breakdown, has a health problem or loses his job. This will shatter the view that what he is doing is the right thing and that he is here to focus on his mother.

Still, although he will have experienced an inner shift, it doesn’t mean that he will just be able to change his behaviour. He could find that he still feels the need to neglect himself and be there for his mother.

Inner Conflict

First, when he thinks about drawing the line and putting himself first, he could start to feel guilty and ashamed. Along with this, this could be seen as something that would cause him to be rejected and abandoned and therefore, for his life to come to an end.

Second, he could find that a big part of him still feels like a boy and that this part of him feels comfortable being there for her. To this part, he will be a boy and she will be his mother, so there will be no other way for him to be.

Frozen In time

What this will illustrate is that many, many years will have passed since he was a powerless and dependent child, but this is not something that he truly understands at an emotional level. So, not only is his survival still attached to her but a big part of him still feels like a boy.

Taking this into account, it is to be expected that being there for his mother and neglecting himself will feel comfortable. What this is likely to show is that his early years were anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

During his developmental years, his mother probably was unable to really be there for him and provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead, he may have had to adapt to her needs and to be there for her as time passed.

From the moment he was born, then, he may have often been neglected and when he was given attention, it may have largely been misattuned care. After this, he may have been punished, disproved of and/or abandoned when he tried to assert his will and break away.

A Brutal Time

These experiences would have left him in a deeply traumatised state and he will be carrying a lot of pain. To handle what happened, his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt and he would have gone into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state.

His physical body and his intellect will have grown since that point in time but his emotional self won’t have. For him to emotionally grow up and become a more integrated human being, he will have a lot of pain to work through.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

  • Join my Facebook Page.
  • Follow me on Twitter.
  • The books I have written.
  • Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.


    Picture

    Oliver JR Cooper

    Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.


    Free Consultation
    ​To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.

    Disclaimer
    That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.





    My Books...
    Picture
    Inner Child - How To Heal Your Inner Child
    Picture
    Self-Awareness: How To Develop Self-Awareness
    Picture
    Purpose: How To Find Your Purpose
    Picture
    Anxiety: How To Deal With Your Anxiety
    Picture
    Breakups - How To Get Over A Breakup
    Picture
    ​Fear Of Abandonment - How To Heal Your Fear Of Abandonment
    Picture
    ​​Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth
    Picture
    ​Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect
    Picture
    Mother-Enmeshed Man – How To No Longer Be A Mother-Enmeshed Man

    To hear about my latest articles, videos, books, how-to guides and courses, and live broadcasts, along with other updates, sign up below -

Subscribe to Newsletter
Copyright © 2022 Oliver JR Cooper. All Rights Reserved.
  • Home
  • Latest Articles
  • About
    • About
    • Influential People
    • Testimonials
    • Recommended Reading
    • Videos
  • Shop
    • Audio Books
    • Books
    • Courses
    • How-To Guides
  • Work With Me
    • Book Writing Guidance
    • Consultations
    • Free Consultation
  • Articles
    • Abuse
    • Behaviour
    • Boundaries
    • Communication
    • Defence Mechanisms
    • Emotional Intelligence
    • Happiness
    • Men's Psychology
    • Movie Metaphors
    • My Blog
    • Relationships
    • Self Image
    • Self Realisation
    • Social Causes
    • The Ego Mind
    • Therapy
    • Women's Psychology
  • Contact