Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Woman Get Back With A Mother-Enmeshed Man?

After having been with a man who was entangled with his mother, for however long, a woman could be greatly relieved that she has now cut her ties with him. One of the reasons for this is that she could be exhausted and no longer have the desire or energy to experience life in this way.

So, she will now be able to reconnect to herself and start taking care of a number of the needs that she had overlooked. This will allow her to gradually find her feet again and start feeling good about herself.

Another Part

Additionally, if she has been in this position before, she could wonder why this area of her life is this way. What this is likely to illustrate is that she doesn’t see herself as merely a passive observer of her reality.

She will then know that what is taking place inside her own consciousness is impacting what she does and doesn’t experience. Thanks to this, she will be able to take the steps that she needs to take to slowly transform this area of her life.

Another Experience

Alternatively, even though she has cut her ties with a man like this, a big part of her could have a strong need to get back with him. As a result of this, the part of her that is relieved that she is no longer with him will be dominated by a part of her that isn’t.

Instead of being able to reconnect to herself and start taking care of a number of her needs, then, she will be consumed by her need to get back with a man who isn’t right for her.  This is going to stop her from being able to find her feet again and feel good about herself, and she almost certainly won’t look into why she is behaving in this way, let alone why she has ended up in this position once or on a number of occasions.

Outmuscled

The rational part of her, that will wonder why she is behaving in this way, won’t have the chance to be heard. Consequently, she could end up contacting and/or going to see him, and, before long, they could be back together again.

Now, if this is a man who wasn’t willing to face up to what was going on before and was in denial, it is highly unlikely that their relationship will be any different this time. If so, all the issues that she had last time will be experienced this time.

Confusion

As the days, weeks and perhaps months pass and her initial need to be back with him has subsided, she could be full of anger and frustration and feel totally drained. At this point, part of her could wonder why she is with him again.

She could believe that there is something inherently wrong with her as, if there wasn’t, she wouldn’t be putting herself through all this again. This can cause her to be very hard on herself, which, of course, won’t help her.

External Feedback

If she has a number of close friends, she could talk to them about what is going on and even say that she must be mad. Still, these people could largely be supportive and say that there is no need for her to blame herself.

They could make it clear that this will just make things worse and that she needs to be kind and compassionate to herself. Furthermore, they could make it clear that she needs to end the relationship and end it for good.

The Next Stage

If she was to do this, the part of her that wants to be with him could be a lot weaker than it was before and this can prevent her from having the desire or the energy to return to him. This will give her the chance to take a deeper look into what is going on.

So, assuming that this is not the first time that she has been with a man who is not available or the first time that she has gone back with a man like this, it is likely to show that she is trying to receive what she missed out on as a child. This will show that although this stage of her life is over, she hasn’t truly moved on from this stage of her life.

Back In Time

To understand why she is looking for what she missed out, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what might have happened when she was younger. This may have been a time when her mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and unable to provide her with the love that she needed.

Nonetheless, as she was powerless and totally dependent, she wouldn’t have been able to change them or find another family. Moreover, as she was egocentric and needed to be loved, she would have come to believe that she was the problem and blocked out reality.

The Outcome

To handle this stage of her life, her brain would have repressed how she felt and a number of her developmental needs and created a false view of her mother and perhaps her father. What would have also helped her to keep her pain at bay and from facing reality was the hope that if she did what her mother and perhaps father wanted, she would finally be loved.

But, as her mother and perhaps father were probably unable to love her as they were probably unloved during their early years, this would have been futile. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of her life, but, the parts of her that had to be split off will be causing her to be unconsciously drawn to men who can’t love her in the hope that she can make them love her.

Drawing the Line

Of course, another man won’t be her mother or father, but, these parts of her have no sense of time and are unable to see clearly. As far as these parts are concerned, she is still a child and another man is her mother and perhaps father, so, if she struggles enough, she will finally be loved.

If she had faced reality and how she felt all those years ago, she would have been overwhelmed and she might have died. Now that she is an adult, she has what it takes to face and work through this pain and experience her unmet development needs, with this being what is likely to gradually liberate her.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk