Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Wouldn’t A Mother-Enmeshed Man Be Able To Face Reality?

What can be hard for someone to comprehend is why a man wouldn’t be able to see that he is focused on his mother and is neglecting himself. Now, the impact that his behaviour has on them is likely to depend on the type of relationship that they have with him.

Naturally, if this relates to a woman who is in a relationship with him, this is likely to lead to a lot of problems. But, if this relates to a friend of his, his behaviour is unlikely to have the same impact on them.

The Difference

The reason for this is that if a woman is in this position, the level of closeness that she has with him won’t be the same as what it would be for a friend. Therefore, she will have different expectations.

For example, she will want to be with a man who is available, whereas a friend of his might not care about how emotionally available he is. Also, a friend might only see him a few times a month, for instance.

Concern

This is not to say that a friend wouldn’t care about what is going on for him and not want him to live his own life. But, due to the nature of their friendship, he can be more hands-off and accepting.

Of course, a woman can accept that he is not available and cut her ties with him, it’s not as though she is chained to him. However, if she is emotionally attached to him and is invested in their relationship, this might not cross her mind let alone seem like an option, at least at this point in time.

It’s obvious

So, if a woman is with a man who can’t accept that he is out of balance, it is to be expected that she would be confused. She will be able to see clearly and a number of other people could be in the same position.

Ultimately, he will have the eyes to see but he won’t be able to see what is right in front of his eyes. As a result of what is going on, she might even wonder if there is something wrong with him.

A Tedious Time

Still, she could hope that if she keeps trying to get through to him; he will soon be able to face reality. She could then end up struggling for many weeks, months and perhaps years.

After a while, he might face up to what is going on, but that doesn’t mean that his behaviour will change after this. No, he could go back to how he was before and continue to block out reality.

What’s going on?

At this point, it will be important for her to face the reality of the situation and ask herself how long she is willing to put up with what is going on. If she doesn’t do this and just carries on behaving in the same way, she is likely to be wasting her precious life.

With that aside, as frustrating as it will be for a woman to be with a man who is like this, what she can keep in mind is that it is unlikely that he is denying reality because her wants to hurt her. Most likely, he is behaving in this way because he is carrying a lot of pain and his brain is doing what it can to stop this pain from entering his conscious awareness.

Going Deeper

What this illustrates is that someone doesn’t see with their eyes, they see with their brain. So, if he was to face reality, he would start to come into contact with pain and this pain would cause him to be overwhelmed.

Consequently, his ability to keep it together and function would be compromised and he might even end up having a mental breakdown. This won’t be something that he is consciously aware of but it will be what is preventing him from being able to face reality.

Why Is This?

It might seem strange why he is carrying so much pain but if what is likely to have taken place enduring his early years is taken into account, it will start to make sense. During this stage of his life, he probably missed out on the love that he needed to be able to develop a strong sense of self.

His mother was likely to have been developmentally stunted and needed to be cared for herself. She would then have used him to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs, depriving him in the process.

No Choice

And, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he had to adapt to her; he wasn’t able to change her or to find a mother who could love him. Not receiving what he needed to grow and develop in the right way would have greatly wounded him.

The pain he experienced, along with a number of his developmental needs, would have been automatically repressed by his brain and he would have developed a disconnected false self. Thanks to how he was treated, he would have been conditioned to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that he would only survive if he focused on and met his mother’s needs.

A Natural Outcome

With this in mind, he will look like an adult but he will be in a developmentally stunted state and he will carry a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs. If, then, he was to face reality and tried to change his behaviour, he would be in a bad way emotionally and feel totally helpless and as though his life is going to come to an end.

Considering his, it makes sense as to why a big part of him will do what it can to make sure he blocks out reality and behaves in the same way. How he is behaving won’t be serving him, but, deep down, the alternative will be seen as being far worse.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk