Mother Wounds: Can A Man Be Drawn To Women Who Are Unavailable If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

Even though a man can have the desire to be with a woman who is available, he might not believe that this is possible. The reason for this is that he may have been with a number of women who were not available.

In fact, he might have only been with women who were not available. Thanks to the experiences that he has had, then, it is to be expected that won’t believe that this area of his life will ever change.

Another Part

A big part of him could believe that this is just what women are like and that there is nothing that he can do about it. Then again, he could believe that he is just unlucky and needs to wait until his luck changes.

Either way, what is going on in this area of his life is going to be out of his hands. Due to this, he could decide to focus on other areas of his life, at least for a short while, and then to try his luck again in the future.

Looking Back

If he was to look back on the experiences that he has had with women, he could see that he has only been able to get so far with them. He might have dated a number of women and/or had a number of relationships, for instance.

But, when he has dated or been in a relationship with a woman, he would have been with a woman who was out of reach. In the beginning, she might have been different, though.

A Gradual Shift

Moreover, she might have created the impression that she wanted more, only to end up pulling away over time. So, she might have not had as much time and only wanted to talk about surface-level things.

Not only this but she might have been warm at the start and gradually become colder as time passed. If this was the case, she would have been like a warm fire to begin with and ended up turning into a fridge.

Two Extremes

When he thinks about the experiences that he has had, it could be as though he is promised something, experiences it for a little while and then it's taken away from him. Naturally, this will have taken a lot out of him.

After his time with a woman has come to an end, he could typically feel very low and even depressed. There may have even been times when it has been as if his life has come to an end and he has no reason to live.

One Level

Now, if it was put forward to him that he is playing a part in what is going on, he could say that this is not possible, or something similar. As far as he is concerned, he will want one thing but he will continue to experience something else.

Nonetheless, what he will need to keep in mind is that he doesn’t begin and end with his conscious mind. Therefore, as he hasn’t been able to experience what he desires, it is likely to show that another part of him wants something else.

Confusion

If he was able to entertain this point if not accept it, he could wonder why another part of him would want something else. This other part of him will be outside of his conscious awareness but it will have a big impact on his life.

At a deeper level, he could be looking for what he missed out on during his formative years. This may have been a time when his mother was out of reach and didn’t provide him with the love that he needed.

The Struggle Continues

However, although he will have been deprived and this stage of his life is over, a big part of him will still be trying to receive the love that he missed out on. The trouble is that this part of him will cause him to be unconsciously drawn to women who are very similar to his mother, in the hope that he will finally be loved.

What this illustrates is that this part of him doesn’t realise that this stage of his life is over or that another woman is not his mother. As a result of this, he will be deprived as an adult just as he was deprived as a child.

Drawing the Line

When he is deprived as an adult, some of the pain that he had to repress very early on will be unlocked. If his brain hadn’t repressed this pain, along with a number of his developmental needs, he might have died.

For him to end this struggle and to no longer look for what he missed out on as a child, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk