Mother Wounds: Can A Man Believe That A Woman Will Complete Him If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

A man could often spend time thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship, with this being a time when he feels good. This is not to say that he hasn’t been in one before, though.

If he has, he could see that when he has been in a relationship, he has felt whole and complete. This is not to say that this will have been a time when there was only love and harmony.

A Deep Yearning

But, even if there was a fair amount of conflict, it won’t have taken away his need to find another woman to be with. This need could often be so great that he is unable to think about much else.

If some of his friends are in a relationship, there could be times when it is hard for him to be around them. The reason for this is that they will remind him of what he wants but does not have.

Blocked Out

Still, there could be moments in his life when he is able to forget all about this need and focus on other areas of his life. During these moments, this need will have been repressed and it will only be a matter of time before it enters his conscious awareness again.

What this will show is how strong this need is as it won’t be possible for him to completely lose touch with it. Once it does enter his awareness, he could do a number of things to try to find a woman.

A Few Options

He could end up joining a dating app/site and visit a few nightspots, with the aim of finding a woman to be with. At the same time, when he is single he could regularly do these things.

After finding a woman to who he is drawn to and who is drawn to him, he could be happy to take things further. Out of his need to be with a woman, then, he won’t be overly discerning.

The Outcome

Sooner or later, he can feel whole and complete and so it can be as though he has finally made it. To use an analogy, he will be like someone who has reached the finish line of a race; he will have reached the end and now he will be able to relax.

Nonetheless, as time passes he is likely to find that his partner starts to pull away, causing him to feel empty and incomplete. Alternatively, he could start to feel uncomfortable and pull away.

A Deep Hole

Either way, the relationship could soon end and he could end up being in a very bad way both mentally and emotionally. If he felt held before, now he will feel as though he has been cast aside.

If he was able to describe how he feels, he could say that he feels rejected, abandoned and worthless. He could even have moments when he feels so bad and is in so much pain that he wants his life to end.

Too Much To Handle

This may be how he felt when a relationship has come to an end before and he might now be at the point where he has had enough. He could be tired of being down, going up and then coming back down again.

Consequently, he could end up looking into why his life is this way and what he can do to change it. If this was to take place, what he may end up coming to see is that his early years played a part in what is taking place when it comes to this area of his life.

Back In Time

During his formative years, he may have been brought up by a mother who was emotionally available and, therefore, unable to provide him with what he needed to grow and develop. This would have probably meant that he was often neglected and when he was given attention, it is likely to have typically been missatuned care.

Not receiving the love and care that he needed would have caused him to experience a lot of pain. This pain, along with the needs that were not met would have been repressed and he would have stayed in a developmentally stunted and traumatised state.

Repeating The Past

So, as these unmet childhood needs are still inside him, it will cause him to unconsciously look for the mother that he didn’t have. Deep down he won’t be emotionally whole and complete as he missed out on what he needed, so he will be looking towards a woman to finally feel this way.

Or to be more accurate, the child part of him, through transference, will see a woman as his mother and see her as being able to provide him with what he needs to feel whole and complete. Naturally, this will set him up to unconsciously look for things that a woman can’t provide and then to feel let down once this becomes clear.

The other part

Also, as his mother was not available, he would have also come to fear human contact. This is why part of him can want to be in a relationship and another part of him can have the need to avoid being in one.

Taking this into account, he will have work to do in regards to feeling whole and complete and feeling safe and secure. Working through these wounds is likely to be something that takes time.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk