Mother Wounds: Can A Man Believe That He Is Worthless If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

Although a man may have been treated like he was nothing and not given the love that he needed during his early years, it doesn’t mean that he will realise this now that he is an adult. Even so, how he was treated will have had a big impact on him.

The seeds that were planted will have grown and it won’t be possible for him to live a fulfilling life. But, if his brain has blocked out what took place, he will suffer and he won’t see a way out.

His Experience

What could be normal is for him to often feel low and depressed, and he may even think about ending his life from time to time. By not having a great deal of energy, it could generally be a challenge for him to get out of bed each day.

His life is not going to be seen as a blessing that’s for sure; it will be seen as something that he has to endure. If he does feel good, it could be because he has consumed something or engaged in some kind of activity.

One Area

When it comes to his job, he could do something that is soul-destroying and work with people who walk all over him. He could typically just tolerate what is going on and not push back.

Being treated in this way and not being respected or appreciated is likely to be what feels comfortable. He will then just absorb bad behaviour and will seldom do anything about it.

Another One

If he is in a relationship, he could be with someone who doesn’t treat him with respect or appreciate him. He may have been with them for quite some time but not been able to cut his ties and move on.

Still, even if he was to do this, he could still end up meeting someone else who is very similar. To back this up, he may have been with a number of people who are like this.

A Different Scenario

Then again, he could be with someone who treats him well but he might not be able to take the good in. His partner could struggle to understand what is going on and the relationship may soon end.

Conversely, he may have recently been with someone who treated him well and he soon ended up pushing them away. He could wonder why the relationship ended and be filled with regret and/or he could just feel comfortable with this experience.

Stepping Back

If he was able to get to the point where he has had enough of living in this way and started to look for answers, he might end up being told to look into what his relationship was like with his mother very early on. This could be a time when he might not be able to remember much or he could say that his mother loved him.

If he can’t remember much, it will show that his brain has blocked out what took place in order to protect him. As for the second part, this can also be a defence his brain has utilised to stop him from coming into contact with a lot of deep pain.

Back In Time

During his formative years, he may have had a mother who was unable to truly be there for him and provide him with the love that he needed in order to grow and develop. In general, his mother may have been out of his reach.

He may have regularly been rejected and abandoned by her, which would have meant that his needs and feelings were largely overlooked. The trouble is that even though there was nothing wrong with his needs and feelings or himself, he would have personalised what took place as he was egocentric.

The Outcome

It was then not that his mother was emotionally unavailable, most likely due to being in a shut-down state as a result of her own traumatic childhood, and simply couldn’t love him; it was that he was unlovable, worthless and unwanted. By feeling this way and not having a good view of himself, it is to be expected that he would live a miserable life now that he is an adult.

A big part of him will not be in a good way and this will need to change for him to experience life differently. What took place will be over but as he had to repress how he felt all those years ago and went into a shut-down state, the pain that he experienced will be held inside his brain and body.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk