Now that someone is a man and no longer a boy, it could be said that his childhood will be behind him. This stage of his life will be well and truly over, so it won’t matter what took place during this time.
However, while this may appear to be the case, it doesn’t mean that this stage of his life has truly been put behind him. What took place during his early years could be preventing him from living a fulfilling life.
Missing the Connection
For example, he might not feel comfortable or confident around women and his relationships with them might not have been very successful either. Nonetheless, this could just be what is normal.
As a result of this, he could just tolerate what is going on and not reach out for the assistance that he needs to change his life. This will almost certainly mean that he won’t be able to see how his early years played a part in how he is experiencing life.
Below The Surface
Additionally, he could believe that he, along with other men, has no value and is worthless. Women, on the other hand, will be valuable and of worth, and consequently, will be above him.
This can be seen as just how it is, with there being absolutely nothing that he can do about it. Most likely, this will be something that is running just outside of his awareness.
A Natural Outcome
If this is what is going on for him, it is to be expected that he won’t live a life that is very fulfilling. He won’t feel good about himself or feel as though he has any value, so how could he live a great life or have a satisfying relationship with a woman?
Thanks to the experiences that he has had with women, he may typically prefer to avoid them altogether. The challenge is that as he will have a need to connect to a woman, he probably won’t always be able to do this.
A New Experience
When this happens, he could end meeting one who will end up reminding him of why he has avoided them for so long. This can be a time when he will be filled with anger and frustration.
After this subsides, he can end up feeling worthless and helpless. His nervous system will then have gone from the sympathetic response to the parasympathetic response.
Back In Time
If he was able to reflect on his life and to see if what is taking place reminds him of his early years, he could hit a brick wall. His mind could go blank and he might not remember anything.
Then again, he might remember that this was a time in his life when his mother was anything but loving. He could see that his mother was unable to love and undermined him in so many ways.
She may have been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, and, thereby, was unable to provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop. The image that so many people conjure up when they think of a mother won’t relate to the mother that he had, that’s for sure.
A mother who was unstable, unpredictable, cruel, sadistic, withholding and rejecting and, thus, someone to avoid at all costs, would have been the mother that he had. Naturally, this would have had a massive effect on him, as he needed a mother who was stable, consistent, loving and kind.
Moreover, this may have also been a time when his mother mistreated his father. Both he and his father would then have been abused by her, and this would have played another part in why he would grow up to see himself and other men are being worthless.
What this comes down to is that this would have been a time when he identified with his father, with this playing a part in the identity that he would form. So, as his father was treated badly, he would have come to believe that men have no value and that this is how they deserve to be treated.
A Deep Wounded Being
The trouble is that as his brain was just starting to develop at this stage of his life, he was unable to see what was truly going on. He couldn’t see that his mother was most likely in a deeply traumatised state and mentally unwell.
No, as he was egocentric, he would have taken everything personally, believing that there was something inherently wrong with him. What also didn’t help was having a father who lacked backbone and was unable to do something about her extremely dysfunctional behaviour.
For the man to truly put this stage of his life behind him, he will need to do the work that is needed. This is not something that will take place overnight and he might be doing this for the rest of his life but that doesn’t mean that he won’t ever be able to live a life that is worth living.
There will be the beliefs to question, the emotional wounds to work through and the trauma that he will need to process. Ultimately, his body will carry the effect that his childhood had on him.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.