Mother Wounds: Can A Man Expect To Be Humiliated By A Woman If He Had An Abusive Mother?

If a man was to think about the interactions that he has had with women over the years, he could find that he has often felt ashamed and worthless in their presence. He could see that in most of these cases, it was because he was often put down.

Due to the experiences that he has had, he might typically prefer to keep his distance from a woman.  This may mean that he only has casual encounters or he might not even go that far.

Protection mode

Thanks to the experiences that he has had, then, he might typically have his guard up when he is around a woman. Based on what he has been through, being open and vulnerable will be the last thing on his mind.

He can do what he can to come across as strong and not be affected by what she says or does. It is then not going to matter if he is around a woman who has no interest in putting him down as he will be ready for one that is.

Opening Up

However, every now and then, after keeping his distance for a while, he could have the need to close this gap, so to speak. If this is so, he could end up getting close to a woman and it might not be long until he regrets his decision.

The reason for this is that he could have ended up with a woman who is somewhat or extremely cold and critical. This will then be a time when he often feels ashamed and worthless.

Drawing the Line

Before long, he could end up cutting his ties with her and retracting behind a hard shell once more. At this point, he could vow to never allow himself to get close to a woman again.

Along with feeling ashamed and worthless, he could have moments when he feels deeply angry and enraged. He might also experience a fair amount of hate for the woman who undermined him.

External Validation

If he was to look for answers online about why he experiences life in this way, he is likely to come across a lot of information. A lot of what he comes across could say that, in one way or another, this is what most women are like.

Therefore, it is not just him who has these experiences, it will be an experience that most men have. If this was to take place, he could feel supported and greatly relieved.

A Dead End

However, even if he was to go down this path, it is unlikely to ever allow him to deeply connect with a woman, something that he is likely to desire. He might not be aware of this though.

Still, what it can do is allow him to develop a sense of superiority and for his anger and perhaps hate to build up in regard to women. But, if he comes across a lot of men who support this view, it can be hard for him to not be consumed by it.

Another Route

If he doesn’t go down this path and even if he does for a short while, he could end up stepping back and wondering why he has had so many experiences where he has been hurt by women. He could see that he doesn’t believe that this area of his life will ever be any different.

Assuming that his life has been this way for as long as he can remember, it could show that his early years were a time when he was deeply hurt by his mother. Throughout this stage of his life, he might have been physically harmed and/or put down.

A Brutal Time

Instead of providing him with a healthy model of what a woman is like, she wouldn’t have provided him with a very unhealthy model. Over time, how his mother behaved would have been generalised and defined how he expected most if not all women to behave.

His mother would then have been anything but maternal, with her having more in common with a tyrant. As a result of this, the love, care, support and encouragement that he needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided on a regular basis if at all.

Emotional Experience

Being treated in such a cruel and cold manner would have meant that he often felt worthless and unlovable. He would have continually been hurt and this hurt would have ended up being automatically repressed by his brain.

And, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. He could only disconnect from his feelings and lose the ability to deeply feel if not lose his ability to feel altogether, thereby making it easier for him to tolerate being humiliated and hurt.

Recycling The Past

Now, this stage of his life will be over, of course, but he will still carry the emotional pain that he experienced all those years ago and the development needs that were not met. Another part of this is that a big part of him will still be trying to receive the love that he missed out on all those years ago.

This part will cause him to unconsciously be pulled to women who are very similar to his mother. Consciously, he will see that they are not his mother, but, through unconsciously projecting his mother onto them, he won’t realise this at an unconscious level.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to work through his pain so that he can gradually put an end to what is going on and no longer engage in a hopeless struggle for love, he might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk