Mother Wounds: Can A Man Expect To Be Rejected By Women If He Had An Emotionally Unavailable Mother?

Even if a man was to see a woman who he is attracted to, it doesn’t mean that he would take the next step. Instead, he could talk himself out of speaking to her and let the chance pass.

Then again, he might not need to talk himself out of doing something as he might not believe that it is possible for him to take the next step. Either way, he will feel a strong attraction and that will be as far as it goes.

The Same Story

There is a chance that he has never taken the next step, or he might have taken the next step and not gotten very far. If he has, this may have been a time when he didn’t receive a very positive response.

In fact, he might have ended up being ignored and even humiliated by the woman. This might not have happened once, though, it might have happened on every occasion that he has taken the next step.

A Wall

Due to this, it can be as though there is an invisible barrier between him and a woman. This barrier won’t be able to be seen by the naked eye but it will exist nevertheless.

Thanks to this, he could feel pretty hopeless and helpless when it comes to this area of his life. In this case, this won’t be an area of his life where he has any control and he could believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding him back.

A Low Place

If he was to turn his back on this area of his life, he won’t have to go through the pain of not being able to take things further with a woman. However, his need to be with a woman is not going to be met and this will cause him to suffer.

After he has ignored this area of his life for a little while, he could arrive at the point where he no longer wants to live in this way. If this does take place, he could wonder why this area of his life is so difficult.

One Outlook

One way of looking at this would be to say that he needs to keep talking to women and, sooner or later, he will be able to make progress. Furthermore, not every woman is going to respond well to him and there will be even fewer women who will want to take things further.

Additionally, he will need to look into how he behaves as how he comes across will play a big part in the type of responses that he receives. When it comes to how he comes across, how he sees himself and women will play a big part.

In The Driver’s Seat

His appearance, so his hairstyle and what he wears, for instance, will also play a big part in the responses he receives. With this in mind, he is anything but helpless and hopeless when it comes to this area of his life.

Still, if he were to keep this in mind and follow this advice, it doesn’t mean that he would be able to make much progress. He could still find that he only gets so far and that when doesn’t receive a positive response, he ends up feeling very low.

Another Angle

Assuming that this is the case, it is likely to show that he needs to try a different approach. What can be playing a big part in why this area of his life is so difficult can be what took place during his early years and the impact that this had on him.

This may have been a time when he was brought up by a mother who was generally emotionally out of reach and unable to truly be there for him. Consequently, it would have been normal for him to be ignored, rejected, and left.

A Tough Time

What he needed, to be able to grow and develop in the right way was a mother who was generally attuned to his needs and was able to meet them. But, as this didn’t take place, he would have been deprived and deeply wounded.

To handle the pain that he was in, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his developmental needs. If he wasn’t powerless and totally dependent, he would have been able to change his mother or find a mother who could love him but this wasn’t an option.

A Big Impact

Along with how deprived and wounded he was and the pain and unmet developmental needs that were repressed, he would have developed a negative view of his own needs, feelings and himself. As a result of being egocentric, he would have believed that his needs and feelings were bad and that he was worthless and unlovable.

In addition to this, he would have developed a negative view of women, seeing them as rejecting, cold, out of reach and indifferent. The reason for this is that his mother would have provided him with an inner model of what women are like, with the particular becoming the general.

Moving Forward

For him to change this area of his life, in addition to the other steps that have been mentioned, he will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk