Mother Wounds: Can A Man Expect Women To Behave Negatively If He Had An Abusive Mother?

While a man’s early years will be well and truly behind him, it doesn’t mean that how he was treated during this stage of his life won’t have had a lasting impact on him. However, due to his brain’s ability to repress both pain and memories, he might not remember a great deal about what took place all those years ago.

But, even if the connection to his early years has been more or less severed, at least one area of his life could be very similar to what it was like at this stage of his life. So, when it comes to the experiences that he has with women, these could often be anything but life-affirming.

One Big Challenge

He could then come across women from time to time who are pleasant but this will be the exception as opposed to the rule. In general, he could meet women who are cold, distant, critical and even cruel.

And, if he has been in at least one relationship, he might have been with a woman who was like this. As a result of this, he might not have a lot of good things to say about women and might prefer to avoid them whenever he can.

Another Reality

Then again, if he has come across women who are pleasant, it might not be this extreme. In this case, he could just be very careful when it comes to letting a woman into his life.

He will then know that even though a lot of them are not very warm, they are not all like this. The trouble is that if he is used to coming into contact with those who are not very warm, it could often be hard for him to accept that they are not all the same.

One Conclusion

At this point, he could just say that this is what most women are like and there is nothing that he can do. The only thing that he will be able to do is to be very selective when it comes to who he allows into his life.

Along with this, he could have moments when he keeps his contact with women to a minimum; only engaging with them when he has to. For example, this could be when he is at work, for instance.

A lot of pain

If he was to look back and reflect on the experiences that he has had with women, he could see that he has been hurt so much. He will then have the need to connect with them and perhaps to be in an intimate relationship with one but he won’t want to be hurt again.

To go even deeper, he could find that, whilst in the company of a woman, he has often felt totally worthless, unlovable, useless and incapable. This could mean that he has often been put down and humiliated by them.

Re-forming the Connection

Now, if he was able to connect to what took place during his early years and how his mother treated him in particular, how he experiences life as an adult might gradually be seen in a different light. He could soon find that what has been taking place has a lot in common with what took place all those years ago.

This could illustrate that this was a time when his mother was anything but loving and typically did what she could to undermine him. She might have been cold, emotionally distant, critical and cruel.

Deeply Damaged

If so, there is a strong chance that she had a personality disorder and was a deeply wounded woman. Nonetheless, as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, he would have personalised what took place.

It was then not that his mother was estranged from her humanity and couldn’t truly love him; no, it was that he was worthless and unlovable. Along with the self-image that he would have formed through having a mother who was most likely abused herself, there would have been the inner model that he formed around what a woman is like and how he expected them to behave.

A Key Stage

Naturally, being treated this way and deprived of the emotional nutrients that he needed would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and stopped him from being able to grow and develop in the right way. But, thanks to the inner model that was created and the expectations that were formed, in regards to a woman, this brutal stage of his life wouldn’t have come to an end.

Sadly, though, as he wasn’t aware of why his adult life is the way that it is, he would have felt powerless and believed that he had no control over this area of his life. The truth is that he is not powerless and he does have control over this area of his life.

A New Phase

For his experiences with women to change and for him to be with a woman who is not a reflection of his mother or to see that a woman is not his mother, he will need to face and work through the pain that he experienced during his formative years and the unmet development needs that go with them. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Another part of this will be for him to question what he believes about women and to see why these beliefs were formed. When he looks at his inner model, his expectations and what he believes, in regards to a woman, most likely, he will see that the particular became the general, due to how underdeveloped his brain was when he was being mistreated.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk