Mother Wounds: Can A Man Fear Women If His Mother Was Abusive?

Even if a man fears women, it doesn’t mean that he will be consciously aware of this. If so, being this way will have a big impact on his life but he won’t realise what is going on.

But, while he won’t be aware of this, a friend or family member, for instance, could be aware of this. It might then seem strange as to how another person could see this but he himself is unable to.

Self-Deception

Nevertheless, his brain will stop him from being able to see this, not to harm him, but to protect him. As, if he was to become aware of this, it could cause him to be overwhelmed with pain, and thereby, make it hard for him to keep it together and function.

What this illustrates is that his brain will do what it can to make sure that he doesn’t fall apart mentally and emotionally. It is then not doing what it can to stop him from being able to see clearly; it is doing what it can to keep him alive.

A Restricted Life

Now, by being this way, it can mean that he typically keeps women at a distance. Or, even if he does spend time with them, he might rarely allow himself to get physically or emotionally close to a woman.

Naturally, this is going to mean that a number of his needs will rarely if ever be met. So, the physical and emotional needs that a woman can meet are generally going to be ignored and denied.

Missing Out

Yet, as he is unaware of how a part of him is holding himself back in this area of his life, he could believe that women are the problem or that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding him back. For example, he could believe that women are distant and/or are not into him.

Thus, if women were different, this area of his life would also be different. Additionally, he could believe that he is not attractive enough, doesn’t make enough money and/or doesn’t have the right body type.

A Bleak Existence

As he is being deprived when it comes to this area of his life, he can often feel hopeless and helpless. To try to make himself feel better, he could spend a lot of time viewing porn, eating and/or drinking, for instance.

If he was an independent human being as opposed to an interdependent human being, it would be different. For him to be at his best and live a fulfilling life, he will need to meet his relational needs.

Another Experience

Sooner or later, he could have an experience or a number of experiences that make him step back and reflect on his life. He could end up dating a woman and find that he doesn’t feel very comfortable.

Additionally, he could see that he is focused on her needs and does what he can to please her. He will then lose himself and become very easy-going and even submissive.

A Different Experience

If he were to think about changing his behaviour, he could end up feeling very anxious. The woman that he is with could also be very cold and critical at times, giving him an even greater need to please her.

After a while, this relationship could come to an end and he could start dating another woman who is very similar. Once again, he can feel more like a scared boy than a man and expressing himself can be very difficult.

The Other Side

If this were to come to an end, he could wonder why he feels so uncomfortable when he is with a woman and is unable to be at ease and in his power. He might also wonder why he wasn’t able to see that it was a part of him, not what was going on externally, that was stopping him from being able to get close to a woman for however long.

As far as he is concerned, apart from if he is with a woman who is abusive, there can be no reason for him to feel unconformable when he is with a woman. Nonetheless, if he were to take a closer look at what took place during his formative years, what is going on for him might soon make sense.

Back In Time

At this stage of his life, his mother might have largely been emotionally unavailable and often been physically and verbally abusive. He then needed an attuned and loving mother who could typically meet his needs, but, what he got was a mother who was unable to provide him with the love he needed.

As a result of this, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. But, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he couldn’t change her or find another woman who could mother him.

The Outcome

Due to this, he had to adapt to what was going on, which would have involved him losing touch with his feelings and a number of his needs and disconnecting from his body. Therefore, as he couldn’t leave the environment he was in, he had to leave himself.

And, as he was egocentric, he would have believed that he was worthless and unlovable. Moreover, his mother wouldn’t have represented what all women were like but his underdeveloped brain would have generalised the experience that he was having, with his mother being seen as what all women are like.

Moving Forward

With this in mind, he will feel uncomfortable when he gets close to a woman as, to his unconscious mind, she will be his mother. This is partly because this part of him has no sense of time and is blind.

For him to be able to see a woman clearly, he will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk