Although a man will have a physical body and, therefore, will be visible to others, it doesn’t mean that he will feel seen. In general, he could feel invisible and wonder if he even exists.
As a result of this, he could often feel powerless and helpless and believe that he has very little if any control over his life. Ultimately, his life is not going to be very fulfilling as a lot of his needs are not going to be unmet.
However, simply realising that he feels invisible and as though he doesn’t exist, will be a positive sign. The reason for this is that before he came to see this, this would have just been what was normal.
He would then have felt down and depressed but not been able to see why this way. Now, though, through being able to step back from how he experiences life, he will know why he feels this way.
A painful Existence
So, regardless of whether he is at work or out socialising, this is likely to be something that he experiences. He could be in a position where he has a very basic job and doesn’t feel seen by his colleagues or customers.
Or he could do something that does bring him fulfilment but, once again, he could feel that he is not seen. He could often have moments when he fantasises about being seen and appreciated for what he does.
Another area of his life that could cause him a lot of pain is when it comes to his love life. Now, assuming that he is straight, he could find that he is not very successful with women.
He could typically find that women don’t notice him and when he does put in the effort to try to take things further with a woman, he might seldom get very far. He could expect to be rejected and this could be what usually happens.
Consequently, he is likely to be used to running on empty and be desperate to be seen and heard. But, as he is not receiving what he needs from his fellow human beings and struggles to be seen by the women to who he is attracted, this is to be expected.
After all, this won’t be a need that he can just put to one side and then carry on living his life. Even if he was to do this, he would end up coming into contact with the pain of not feeling seen.
At this point in time, he might believe that he needs to change his appearance in order for his life to change. So, by becoming more attractive, for instance, it will allow him to finally be seen by both men and women.
Alternatively, he could believe that this is something that would change if he was to become famous. If he was to go with the first option, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a great deal would change, and, as for the second option, he could find that he is still not truly seen for who he is.
What’s going on?
If neither of these things was to take place or at least one of them does and it doesn’t lead to his desired outcome, he could look back on his life and see that he has more or less always felt this way. He might come to conclude that he was born different and is missing something that other people have.
Ergo, if he was to find this missing piece, he would finally be able to feel like a real human being. To finally receive the type of responses that many people simply take for granted.
Back In Time
If this is how he has more or less always experienced life, it could show that his early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when he didn’t receive the care that he needed to be able to grow and develop.
He may have often been left by his mother and, when she was around, she might not have provided him with the attunement that he needed. By not being able to truly connect with his mother, he would have often felt overwhelmed and helpless.
The Second Birth
For him to have developed a strong sense of self and to feel real, he needed his mother to attune to his needs and to provide him with the right responses. Her presence and eye contact would have allowed this to take place.
But, as this didn’t take place on a consistent basis, if at all, the interpersonal bridge wouldn’t have formed, let alone been broken, and he would have felt deeply ashamed and gone inside himself (emotionally collapsed). The outcome of this is that he would have experienced a physical birth but he wouldn’t have experienced an emotional birth.
The Other Part
In other words, for him to feel visible as an adult he needed his mother to see him as a child and as this didn’t occur, he will be an undeveloped state. Deep down, he will still be waiting for his existence to be acknowledged.
However, while this is what a big part of him will crave, he is also likely to have a fear of being seen. As his mother was unable to truly connect to him (most likely due to her mother being able to truly connect to her) and give him the mirroring that he needed, he would have been flooded with toxic or core shame and will believe that there is something inherently wrong with this true self.
The part of him that wants to be seen, then, his true self, will have been rejected and will do its best to not be seen. Thus, not being seen will cause him to suffer but, at a deeper level, it will be seen as the only way for him to not be rejected and abandoned.
What this illustrates is that there is what is going on for him at a conscious level and what is going on for him at an unconscious level. Without this understanding, he will see himself as nothing more than a powerless victim; with it, he will see that he has the power to change his life.
If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.