Mother Wounds: Can A Man Feel Unsafe Around Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

In general, a man may find it hard to feel at ease when he is around women. Due to this, he could often act in a very submissive and easy-going manner when he is around them. 

What this will mean is that who he is will rarely if ever show up when he is in the company of a woman. Instead, a version of him that has very little to do with who he is will typically show up.

Two Parts

On one hand, this will have an impact on his day-to-day interactions, and, on the other, it will have an impact on his ability to bond with and develop an authentic relationship with a woman. As a result of this, he is not just going to be able to put what is going on to one side and carry on living his life.

Then again, he might be able to do this but it is highly unlikely that his life would be very fulfilling. So, he could set up his work life so that he doesn’t spend much time with women or avoids them completely and he could keep his distance from them in his personal life.

Missing Out

If he was to do the former, it might not have much of an impact on his life but, if he was to do the latter, it would. Therefore, the only way that he would be able to put what is going on to one side and carry on is if he denies part of himself.

This will involve him suppressing and repressing his need to connect with a woman and focusing on other areas of his life. Yet, even if he was to do this, it probably wouldn’t be long until this need would have an impact on his behaviour.

One Experience

Still, if he has been in at least one relationship with a woman, this may have been a time when he often felt deeply uncomfortable. The woman that he was with may have been emotionally unstable and even abusive.

He could then come to the conclusion that this is why he found it hard to feel at ease when he was with her and why he finds it hard to feel at ease around women now. Then again, he might see that he felt this way before he was in this relationship.

Looking Back

He might see that he has felt this way around women for most of his life and that it is not something that he just started to experience as an adult. For example, if he was to think about what he was like at school, he could see that it was no different.

At this point, he might believe that he was simply born this way and that there is not a great deal that he can do. Conversely, he could believe that how he feels and behaves around women is irrational and that there is no reason for him to be this way.

A Closer Look

If this is how he has been for as long as he can remember, it is highly likely that his formative years were not very nurturing. But, if he can’t remember much about this stage of his life or even believes that it was fine, this will probably show that his brain has repressed and blocked out what took place in order to protect him.

His conscious mind will then have forgotten about most of what happened but the impact of what took place will be influencing his life. If his brain hadn’t repressed and blocked out what took place during this time, he might no longer be alive.

Going Deeper

At this stage of his life, his mother might have been emotionally unstable and harmed him in a variety of different ways. If so, he would then have often walked on eggshells and been deeply hurt.

Feeling scared, anxious, fearful and terrified and feeling ashamed, worthless, helpless and hopeless would have been normal. Thanks to this, he wouldn’t have trusted her or felt safe enough to attach to her, and this would have stopped him from being able to grow and develop in the right way.

A Continuation

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life but a big part of him won’t have moved on. This part of him will cause him to project his mother into other women, which is why he will respond in the same way around them as he did around his mother.

The pain and developmental needs that this brain automatically repressed when he was a boy will be held inside his body. It will be important for him to face and work through this pain and experience his unmet developmental needs.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk