What a man may find, if he was to step back and reflect, is that he rarely feels good about himself and often feels down as a result. He could find that he has been this for as long as he can remember.
Consequently, it is going to be a challenge for him to appreciate his time on this earth. In fact, he may often think about calling it a day, due to how low he often feels and his inability to see a way out of his miserable existence.
It’s Not There
The truth is that he has inherent value, which means that this is value that can’t be taken away from him. Still, it can be covered up and this is the reason why he is unable to access this part of him.
So, as he is not aware of this, it will be normal for him to believe that he is actually worthless. This will just be seen as the truth and there won’t be anything that he can do about it.
There is a strong chance that he won’t have a job that is very fulfilling; with this being an area of his life that drains him. When he is at work, he could feel more like a slave than someone who has chosen to be there and is happy about it.
But, thanks to how he feels, he won’t believe that there is another option. He could believe that, as bad as his job is, he is lucky to even have one and doesn’t deserve a fulfilling job or career.
When it comes to his relationships, he could typically be taken advantage of and walked over. He is then not going to need to be around strangers to be treated badly; this will happen when he is with the people in his life.
If this is the case, is it likely to show that not only does he feel bad about himself, but that he also lacks boundaries. This is going to mean that he will be like a sitting duck; he will be an easy target for those who are abusive.
What is clear is that he will have a high tolerance for abuse and that he won’t have a good connection with his aggression. This aggression, if it was online, would give him the energy that he needs to stand his ground and protect himself.
However, even though he is out of touch with this part of his being, it doesn’t mean he won’t have a lot of anger, rage and hate inside him. Thus, while he won’t have allowed himself to feel his anger and rage and for it to direct his behaviour, he will have still experienced it at a deeper level.
On His Knees
When it comes to how he experiences life, what is clear is that he is in a very bad way. He is not in his power or connected to his own worth, and his emotional self/body is also not in a good way.
If he has been this way for as long as he can remember, experiencing life in this way will just be what is normal. In a way, it is as though he has been heavily defeated in battle; yet he is unable to remember any of it.
More Than an Analogy
There is the chance that he has been through a battle but that this was a battle where he was both totally unarmed and defeated before it began. It then wouldn’t have been a fair fight; it would have been the equivalent of a human being fighting a giant.
What this could show is that he was mistreated by his parents during his early years, with his mother being the primary perpetrator. His father, on the other hand, may have primarily been the enabler.
A Living Hell
Instead of him being seen as a special being that had needs, feelings and rights, he may have been seen as nothing more than an object. This would have stopped his mother, and his father, from providing him with the attuned care that he needed in order to grow and develop.
His purpose, as far as she was concerned, was to adapt to her and to take care of her needs. This would have meant that his needs and feelings would have typically been ignored, which would have meant that his boundaries were largely ignored and he would have been used to being violated.
No Way Out
The trouble is that as he was powerless and dependent on his parents, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on or to leave. His only option was to put up with what was going on and to lose touch with his needs and feelings.
He would have been forced to disconnect from his true self and to develop a false self that would allow him to adapt to a toxic environment. So, by the time he was an adult, he would be totally estranged from himself, have an undeveloped sense of self and be loaded with pain.
A time of his life that should have prepared him for the real world was then a time that well and truly screwed him up. If their aim was to break him, they would have achieved their goal or come very close to achieving it.
Most likely, he was brought up by a mother who had at least one personality disorder and a father who was a broken man. Quite simply, they were two people who were not mentally or emotionally equipped to bring up a child who would grow into a well-adjusted adult.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.