Mother Wounds: Can A Man Have A Negative View Of Himself If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

A man is going to be only too aware that his physical body was created and birthed by his mother, but it might not occur to him that his self-image was largely created and birthed birth by her too. One reason for this is that he might not even think about how he sees himself.

But, even if he doesn’t think about how he sees himself, his view of himself is still going to have a massive impact on his life. If he has a view of himself that is empowering, this might not matter.

Very Different

Yet, if he doesn’t have a view of himself that is empowering, this is likely to make it hard for him to live a fulfilling life. Now, if he was able to step back and reflect on how he views himself, he could find that he sees himself as someone who is worthless, unlovable and expects women to reject and abandon him.

Through being this way, it is not going to be a surprise if he is not doing well in life and is not in a relationship. Or, if he is in a relationship, he could be with a woman who is distant and doesn’t treat him very well.

A Natural Outcome

Another part of this is that he might find that he often feels very low and depressed, which will be a consequence of how he feels about himself and what his life is like. Seeing himself as someone who is worthless and unlovable is not exactly going to fill him with power and hope and neither is living an unfulfilling life.

Also, if he hasn’t been in a relationship or is in one and is being treated badly, this is not going to help. This will be an area of his life that causes him to experience a lot of pain and frustration.

The Connection

However, stepping back will allow him to see that what is going on externally is a reflection of how he views himself. Therefore, it is not that he just randomly happens to experience life in this way.

No, it is by design; the issue is that he wouldn’t have been aware of what was going on and so it would have probably seemed as though he was merely a victim of circumstances. He will now see that the power is in his hands to change his reality.

Resistance

Still, while this may be so, a big part of him could believe that how he sees himself is simply who he is. This is then not going to be something that can be changed, so it won’t matter that he can see how his outer world reflects his inner world.

What this will illustrate is how strong his view of himself is and if it was primarily formed during his formative years, this is to be expected. It will just be his view but it will be as if it is set in stone.

Two Parts

After he was born, he would have been emotionally underdeveloped and would have lacked a sense of self. To go through this second birth, he needed a mother who could attune to his needs and generally provide him with what he needed to be able to grow and develop.

Instead, this might have been when his mother was generally unable to attune to his needs and thus, this would have stopped him from receiving the nutrients that he desperately needed. This is likely to have meant that he was often rejected and abandoned.

The Foundations were laid

Feeling rejected and abandoned would have been part of this experience and as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, he would have personalised what took place. In other words, he would have come to believe that the reason he was rejected and abandoned was that he was worthless and unlovable.

Furthermore, the experiences that he had with his mother would have defined his inner model of women. Therefore, as his mother was unable to love him, was out of his reach and was unable to truly see him, this would be how he would expect other women to be.

Not the Truth

Ultimately, the view that he has of himself is not going to be accurate, and the view he has of women is not going to serve him either, but as he had a mother during his developmental years who was likely to have been deeply wounded, why would it be? The key will be for him to start to see himself through his own eyes as opposed to his mother’s eyes.

Also, to see women through his own eyes, not through eyes that are unable to see beyond the experiences that he had with his mother. Another way of looking at this will be to say that he will need to stop projecting his mother onto other women.

Moving Forward

Due to what he went through at the beginning of his life, he is likely to be carrying a lot of pain. Most of this pain is likely to be held deep inside his brain and body, and it will need to be faced and worked through, along with the unmet needs that he will carry.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. If all his pain was to break through to his conscious awareness, it would be too much for him to handle.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk