Mother Wounds: Can A Man Have A Negative View Of Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

If a man was to step back and reflect on how he sees women, he might find that he doesn’t have a positive view of them. He could see them as cold, critical, cruel and emotionally unstable and unpredictable, among other things.

As to why he sees them in this way, it is likely to be a sign that he has been with a number of women that were like this. Furthermore, he might have worked with a number of women that were like this.

The Truth

Thanks to the experiences that he has had, then, how these women have behaved will be seen as just what women are like. And, as he has been with so many women that are like this, this is not going to be much of a surprise.

Now, this is not to say that he won’t have ever come across women that were different. But, as these women won’t have had the same impact on him, along with other factors, they won’t have had an influence on his view of what women are like.

Additional Support

What can also play a part in why he sees his view of women as being a reflection of what women are like are some of the people in his life. For example, he could have a number of friends that have had similar experiences and therefore, have the same view of women.

Their validation and support are naturally going to help him to maintain the view that he has of women. However, even if he doesn’t have anyone like this in his life, his own experiences are likely to be enough to keep his outlook in place.

Another Factor

There can also be the validation and support that he receives from different social media sites. By merely using one of these sites, he can be exposed to hundreds if not thousands of men who have the same view.

Here, he can learn all the reasons why women are this way and what can be done to deal with women. If he had any doubt about what women were like before, this might have soon been removed.

Stepping Back

Nonetheless, even though he can be convinced that this is what women are like and have all the ‘evidence’ to back it up, it doesn’t mean that it is the truth. What needs to be acknowledged at this point is that he, like everyone else, is not merely an observer of reality.

The trouble is that his senses will create this impression, which will have stopped him from being able to see that he is both an observer and a co-creator. In other words, he is observing his own creation.

A Radically Different View

With this in mind, the experiences that he has had with women say more about what is going on for him than what women are supposedly like. Upon hearing this, he could say that he doesn’t want to be with a woman who is not very loving, for instance.

If so, what he will need to keep in mind is that he doesn’t begin and end with his conscious mind. Ergo, even though part of him doesn’t want to experience life in this way, it doesn’t mean that there are no other parts of him that want something else.

Going Deeper

So, as he wants to meet a certain type of woman but he has typically met women that are different, it is likely to show that a big part of him has a very different agenda. This other part of him can have the need to meet women that are anything but loving in the hope that he can change them and finally be loved.

This won’t be adult love that he is looking for, though; it will be the love that he missed out on during his formative years. Assuming that this is the case, it will show that his early years were not very nurturing.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of his life, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and not provided him with the attunement and love that he needed. Not only this, but she might have been physically and verbally abusive.

Most likely, she was not in a good way mentally and emotionally and had been deeply deprived during her formative years. Yet, although she was not in a good way, as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, he would have personalised what took place.

Two Parts

Consequently, he would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable, and how his mother behaved would have been internalised and created his inner model of what women were like. As for the pain that he was in and his development needs that were not met, these would have been repressed by his brain.

The inner model that he has of what a woman is like and his unmet developmental need to be loved by his mother is what will largely define why this area of his life is the way that it is. For his life to change, he will need to question what he believes and to face and work through the pain and experience the unmet developmental needs that he had to repress.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk