Mother Wounds: Can A Man Have A Strong Need To Be Seen By Women If He Experienced Early Deprivation?

A man could put a lot of effort into his appearance, with this being a way for him to receive a woman’s attention. This can mean that he spends a lot of time exercising, a lot of his money on clothes and is often at bars and clubs.

When he receives attention from a woman who he finds desirable, this can be a time when he feels good about himself. He could feel even better if he talks to her and ends up taking things further with her.

One Scenario

So, if things do go further, this could show that he has received her number or given her his own. After this, he could go on a date with her and before long; he could end up getting physical with her.

This could be about as far as it will go or he could up in a relationship with her. If this is as far as it goes, he could soon have the need to receive another woman’s attention and could do what he can to achieve this aim.

Another Outcome

Yet, if he is not successful in achieving this aim, he could soon end up feeling low and bad about himself. He might not allow himself to be this way for long, though, as he could end up doing something to change his inner state.

He could end up consuming something or engaging in a certain activity, for instance. For example, he could go on a dating app or use a social media site to see if he can receive attention from one or a number of women.

One Focus

He could find that he is unable to think about anything else until this takes place. If this is the case, his need to receive attention will consume him and other areas of his life will be neglected during this time, if not in general.

Providing he has recently received attention from a woman he finds desirable and is continuing to receive attention from her or another woman via his Smartphone, for instance, he might be able to focus. What is clear is that receiving a woman’s attention won’t just allow him to simply feel good; it will allow him to feel whole, complete and alive.

Another Scenario

Due to how much attention he craves from a woman, it could be said that his best option would be to be in a relationship with a woman. That way, he would no longer need to constantly try to receive a woman’s attention.

However, if he was to end up in a relationship and consistently received attention, he could soon crave attention from other women. He could then end the relationship or he could end up having a number of affairs.

A Tiring Existence

Now, assuming that he is not in a relationship, he could get to the point where he has had enough of living in this way. He could see that this is causing him to neglect other areas of his life and be out of balance as a result.

He could wonder why he has such a strong need to receive a woman’s attention and why the attention of one woman is not enough. What might also stand out is that he has been this way for a very long time.

Going Deeper

If he was to take the time to think about how he feels when he receives attention from a woman he is attracted to, he could find that he feels seen, heard, loved, valuable and as though he exists. On the other hand, when he doesn’t receive attention, he could find that he feels invisible, unloved, worthless, and as though he doesn’t exist.

When he thinks about what takes place when he is in a relationship and receives attention from one woman, assuming that he has been in this position at least once, he could find that he feels unworthy. He will then have what he desires but he won’t be able to accept it.

What’s going on?

If this is how he has been for as long as he can remember, it could be due to what took place during his formative years. This may have been a time when his mother was emotionally unavailable and unable to provide him with the care that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Practically, from the moment he was born, then, he might have often been left and when he was given attention, it might have typically been misattuned care. He might have continued to be deprived as a toddler and a child.

A Key Stage

For him to pass through each developmental stage he needed a mother who was able to acknowledge his existence and, in general, meet his needs. As this didn’t take place, he would have experienced a lot of pain and this pain, along with his developmental needs, would have ended up being automatically repressed by his brain.

Throughout this time, he would have felt hopeless, helpless, sad, alone and ashamed. But, as there was absolutely nothing that he could do about what was going on, his only option was to go into a shut down and disconnected state.

The Fall Out

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but he will unknowingly continue to try to receive the love that he missed out on. It won’t matter that another woman is not his mother as, through unconsciously projecting his mother onto a woman, he will see her as his mother.

When he receives attention and is seen by a woman for a prolonged period of time, he won’t feel comfortable with what is going on as he won’t feel worthy of being seen and loved. Also, as a big part of him has the need to try to receive what he missed out on, being with a woman who values and loves him won’t allow this part of him to struggle for love and will, thus, cause him to push the woman away.

Drawing the Line

For him to no longer engage in a struggle for love and finally allow himself to be valued and loved by a woman, he will probably need to face the pain inside him and express his unmet developmental needs. What this will do is allow him to gradually put the past behind him.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk