What can be normal is for a man to hide how he feels and to make out that he is fine. It could go further than this, though, as he could typically be unaware of how he feels and not have a strong connection with his part of him.
Assuming that this is the case, he will look like a whole human being, but he will seldom act like one. By being this way, he will be abandoning himself and it won’t be possible for him to receive the support that he needs.
Ultimately, his feelings are there to provide him with information. This is then no different to how the dashboard of a car is there to provide information about what is going on for the car.
His feelings will let him know if something is right for him or if he needs to rest and relax. In other words, his feelings will let him know what his needs are.
A Natural outcome
Therefore, as he is seldom aware of how he feels, it is to be expected that he is not going to be able to truly be there for himself. He will have turned his back on himself.
Moreover, even when he is aware of how he feels, he can often ignore what is going on for him. Due to how he lives, there could come a time when he is unable to live in this way as he could end up being well and truly exhausted.
The Other Part
As for him being open about how he feels, if this was normal, he would be able to receive the support that he needs. What this comes down to is that he is an interdependent human being; he is not his own island.
But, without his information, the people in his life won’t be able to know what is going on for him and to be there for him. However, there is also a chance that a lot of the people in his life are not interested in how he feels.
The Same Position
But, as it is normal for him to hide himself, it won’t be a surprise if he is surrounded by people who are also in the same position. What this comes down to is that these people will be a reflection of him.
In other words, he is not merely a passive observer of reality; he is a co-creator of his own reality. Most, if not all, of the people in his life are then going to have a level of consciousness that is very similar to the level that he has.
If he is in a romantic relationship, he is, once again, likely to hide how he feels around his partner. This can be a time when he largely plays the role of a man who is strong, centred and unaffected by life.
As for his partner, she could have very little interest in how he feels and expect him to behave in a certain way. If so, she won’t be able to accept that he is first and foremost a human being and will see him as someone who will play a certain role for her – perhaps the role of a father.
A Common Occurrence
Since he has been with her, he might have had moments when he was forced to open up about how he feels, thanks to how worn down he was, only to have his feelings dismissed or ignored. Furthermore, he might have ended up being put down and told to ‘man up’, for instance.
After this, he might have felt ashamed and humiliated, and angry and frustrated. It would also have been clear that she wouldn’t accept this part of him and would only accept him if he played a role.
The Same Story
To be in a relationship like this is naturally going to take its toll on him. This might not be the first time that this has taken place either, with him having been in a number of relationships that were like this.
Yet, if he is not currently in a relationship like this, he could still have been in a number of relationships where he wasn’t able to be real. Taking into account how he experiences life, his early years may have been a time when he wasn’t able to be himself.
Back In Time
During this stage of his life, his mother might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for him. Consequently, from a very young age, he would have been forced to be who she wanted him to be and this would have involved him losing touch with his true self.
He was then a powerless and dependent boy who needed to receive, but he was forced to adapt to her and to give. This would have deeply wounded him and deprived him of what he needed to grow and develop in the right way,
The Fall Out
To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed the pain that he was in and a number of his developmental needs. He would have come to believe that his feelings and needs were bad.
As time passed, she might have also been very critical and even physically abusive. He would have been deprived of the warmth he needed at the beginning and as the years went by, the sense that his needs and feelings were bad, would have been compounded.
The reason that he responded in this way was because he was egocentric at this stage of his life. This stopped him from being able to see that it was not that his needs and feelings were bad; it was that his mother simply couldn’t love him.
Most likely, she was also deeply wounded and deprived during her formative years and, for whatever reason, was unable to face and work through any of her wounds. For him to know this at the core of his being, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through.
If a man is able to relate to his and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.