After being in a position where he has wanted to be in an intimate relationship and to be loved for a little while, a man could end up sabotaging the very thing that he has wanted for all this time. Still, this is not to say that this is something that he will be consciously aware of.
The days, weeks and perhaps even the months will go by and he will end up pushing away the women (or man) that he is with. Consequently, he could come to the conclusion that he has no control over this area of his life and even believe that he is being punished.
A Life-Affirming Experience
If he was to look back on the relationship that he may remember some of the loving moments that were shared. This is not to say that there won’t have been moments that were not as loving, but then, challenges are part of every relationship.
When he thinks about the love that was shared by his partner, he could think about her affection, what she said, how she listened and perhaps what she bought him. It will then be clear that love was expressed in a variety of ways.
Out of His Hands
But now, this will just be a thing of the past and he will only have the memories of what took place; he won’t be able to experience any of these again - not with her anyway. This can be a time when he will be filled with anger and feel helpless.
Part of him could believe that his partner is to blame for what has taken place. He could come up with a whole list of things that put her at the centre of where he finds himself.
If he was to reflect on his life, he may find that this is not the first time that he has found himself in this position. He may find that this is something that has taken place at least once before.
To handle the pain that he is in, he could end up engaging in an activity or consuming something. This won’t allow him to change his life but it will allow him to feel better, at least in the short term.
If he was to end up having a conversation with a trusted friend, they could end up suggesting that he has sabotaged his relationship. They might notice that there is a pattern and point this out to him, that’s if he has been in this position before.
At first, he could dismiss what has been said and say that it is ridiculous. He could make it clear that he wants to be in an intimate relationship and to let love in, so there is no way that he would undermine a relationship like this.
A Matter of Time
However, after hearing this and reflecting on it, he may wonder if there is any truth to what his friend has said. But, even if he was to accept that there might be some truth to it, he could still struggle to understand why he would have done this.
To understand why he would have done this, he will need to go deeper within himself and connect to his unconscious mind. What is going on at this level, not the level of his conscious mind will shed light on what is going on for him.
Shining The Light
During this time, he could find that he doesn’t feel worthy of love and feels unlovable. Due to this, when he is shown love and is loved, he is not going to feel comfortable and will feel the need to end what is taking place.
At this point, he could wonder why this would be so. What this could illustrate is that his early years were not very nurturing, with his mother being anything but the ultimate nurturer.
A Brutal Time
His mother may have been both abusive and neglectful, which would have meant that he didn’t receive the nutrients that he needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. By being treated badly by her, he would have developed a negative view of himself and women.
Although his mother wouldn’t have been able to love him due to her own issues, he would have personalised what took place due to being egocentric. It was then not that she couldn’t love him or any else for that matter; it was that he was unworthy of love and was unlovable.
A Key Role
This shows how important a mother’s love, and the responses that arise from it, is. With it, he would have received what he needed to be able to thrive; whereas, without this key nutrient, it caused him to suffer as a child and for this to continue throughout his adult years.
With the right care, he would have been able to accept that he was worthy of love and lovable. Now that he is an adult, thanks to the junk that he has absorbed as a child, his mind will just reject the truth – that he is worthy of love and is lovable.
As a child, he would have been wide open and everything would have gone in, regardless of if it was true or not. Now that he is an adult, he won’t be as open and this is why he won’t just be able to accept the truth.
For him to accept this, at the core of his being, he will probably have a lot of inner work to do on himself. There will be the beliefs and ideas that he has of himself that need to be questioned and the emotional wounds that need to be processed.
If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.