Mother Wounds: Can A Man See Women As A Threat To His Survival If He Had An Abusive Mother?

Even if a man has the desire to connect with and develop a deeper connection with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he will be able to achieve this aim. So, if he has been able to connect with at least one woman, he might not have been able to take things further.

Then again, he might not have been able to get this far, with the first part being something that has eluded him. As a result of what is going on for him, he could feel pretty hopeless and helpless when it comes to this area of his life.

Too Much To Handle

If he has been able to take the first step and connect with a woman, and he was to step back and reflect on how he felt when things went further, he could find that he felt anxious and fearful. As opposed to him taking a step in the right direction, then, it would have been as if he was going in the wrong direction.

He might have felt edgy at times before this but it might not have been as intense. Due to how intense it was, he might have soon pulled away or done something in order to cause their time together to come to an end.

An Inner Battle

At this point, he could wonder why he wanted to take things forward on the one hand and had the need for things to end on the other. Once it ended, he might have settled down before long.

But, although this would have been a relief, he would have also had to deal with the fact that he lost someone who he wanted to be with. His need to survive would then have dominated the other needs that he had.

A Strange Scenario

He could believe that there was no reason for him to feel as though his very survival was under threat. After all, he was with a woman that he was fond of and perhaps loved, not with a being who wanted to end his life.

Consequently, he could come to the conclusion that he needs to get it together and perhaps ‘man up’. Still, even though he may believe that how he felt was irrational, if he was to remember what took place during his early years, it might soon make sense.

Back In Time

During this stage of his life, his mother might have been anything but nurturing. In addition to being emotionally unavailable, she might have often been physically and verbally abusive.

A time when he needed a mother who he felt safe around, could bond with and be loved by, was a time when he had a mother who he didn’t feel safe around, couldn’t bond with and was unable to be loved by. He would have been deeply wounded and deprived of what he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Inner Model

The experiences that he had with his own mother would have also played a big part in how he would end up perceiving women. He saw his mother as a threat to his survival, and she was, and this is why he will see women as a threat to his survival.  

Of course, a woman is not his mother but, thanks to transference, a big part of him won’t realise this. When this takes place, he will unconsciously project his mother into a woman and respond to her as if she is the mother that he had all those years ago.

A natural outcome

So, as a big part of him would have believed that he was with someone who could end his life, it is not a surprise that he felt so uncomfortable. Opening up and being vulnerable would have felt deeply uncomfortable, giving him the need to pull away.

It wouldn’t have been possible for him to trust the woman that he was with and without this ability, he wouldn’t have been able to take the next step. Ultimately, he would have been too caught up in the past to truly embrace the present moment.

Another Element

And, along with how his mother abused her power, there could also be the impact that his father had. His father might have been dominated by her and ended up harming him, in one way or another, more or less whenever he didn’t do what his mother wanted.

Therefore, he had to deal with both his mother’s and his father’s abusive behaviour. To move on from what took place, he is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to work through.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk